My Life as A Teenage Half Demon
by Ithilvalan
Summary: Read this for some laughs about Inu Yasha, everyone's favorite half-demon! Rated PG-13 for language and later on, a couple of possible "offensive" comments.
1. Welcome to My Life

My Life as a Teenage Half-Demon

As told by InuYasha

A/N- This is my first InuYasha fanfic, so please be gentle with the reviews. It's sort of a spin on the original story, but after what occurs in the first three or four graphic novels, I have my own plot. At first, it was to have a plot. But now I guess it's just for humor. It's just that Kikyo…ahem…I won't ruin it for you if you haven't read them yet. Anyhow, all the characters so far belong to Rumiko Takahashi. Jeebus. I almost wrote Nobuhiro Watsuki. Knowing that, guess my favorite manga. Maybe I'll do a Ranma ½ one. That'll be a laugh. Or even a Yu Yu Hakusho one. As a matter of fact, I'll start one right now. About Genkai. My hero. Lol, just kidding. If you like this, please check out my RuroKen fanfic. As always, R&R (I get pretty desperate for those, so unless you want to be responsible for my lack-of-review induced depression, please, PLEASE review. By the way, this is rated PG-13 for expletives (which I personally don't believe in, though it's something that InuYasha likes to utilize) and violence. At least it would be in a movie. Since you can't picture blood and gore dripping down someone's back, no matter how good the author is at describing, it isn't that bad. BTW, in case you didn't notice, I'm rather fond of prologues.

Prologue

Rich, successful, handsome, intelligent, and egotistical, seventeen-year-old InuYasha lived a wonderful life. The years in which his kind, half-demons, were prejudiced against were gone. His family had overcome all sorts of difficulties, but they were now the richest family in modern day Japan. It seemed as if he lived a perfect life. And it would be. If a person's idea of a perfect life consisted of death threats from your older brother, an annoying, flea-like counselor, demons (of the human variety also) attempting to take over the world, and a fiancée.

Although when InuYasha stopped to ponder about it, Kikyo wasn't all that bad. At least, for a human woman. He'd have preferred it if his parents had set him up with someone with a bit less of an attitude problem, though. InuYasha wiggled his cute, puppy ears. He could hear someone coming. Unwilling to deal with angry customers or unhappy employees, InuYasha ducked into the bathroom in his office. A CEO of the biggest electronic manufacturers in the world, he had many problems to deal with everyday. Financial ones were never one, though. Shesso-maru, various other relatives, and that double-crossing Naraku were some of them. His counselor, Myoga, constantly deserted whenever the company's stocks dropped even one percent. Of course, when it rose again, Myoga could be counted on to be standing right by InuYasha's side. Shesso-maru, InuYasha's devious half-brother, was a full-blooded demon. Though angry, young, and violent-looking, Shesso-maru had actually adopted a young human girl (though it appeared more likely that she adopted him) and was taking anger management classes. Those classes actually working were another matter.

Because InuYasha inherited his company from his mother, Shesso-maru had to start on his own. As one could imagine, this caused a little discord. Not to mention that while InuYasha got the most powerful sword from the demon world, Shesso-maru was stuck with one that couldn't even injure someone. And being a competitive sibling, Shesso-maru created his own company, also a manufacturer of technology. Shesso-maru still was furious that his little half-breed brother had a higher rank than he did. Thus he was constantly out to kill InuYasha. However, InuYasha had eluded him many times, with the help of his trusty sword, Tetsuiga.

"InuYasha, InuYasha?"

InuYasha groaned and silently smacked himself on the head.

"InuYasha? Where are you?"

"Here, Kikyo." InuYasha stepped out of the lavatory and took a seat on his swiveling office chair. He twirled a pencil between his fingers.

"There you are. Myoga is looking for you," Kikyo told him.

"That old flea bag?" InuYasha rolled his eyes.

"That old flea," Kikyo corrected, evoking a grin from InuYasha.

"All righty, then. I'll go see what he wants." Putting down the pencil, InuYasha got up and exited the room.

Kikyo remained in his office. She was thinking of staying for a bit, perhaps getting one of the workers to bring her a latte and waiting for InuYasha. She walked over to his desk. She spotted a corner of what looked like a photograph buried underneath InuYasha's pile of unsigned contracts. Picking it up gently and not disturbing a single sheet, she saw the photo and gasped. A woman, _another woman_, with her arms wrapped around InuYasha, was smiling up at her. The woman bore a striking resemblance to Kikyo herself, only she appeared a year or two younger and she wore clothes of an extremely unusual fashion. Kikyo flipped over the photo. On the back, in InuYasha's strong, wavy penmanship were the words, "20XX, Kagome and I on the beach."

Kagome. The name itself struck Kikyo as odd. And the year 20XX? It was fifty years from that day. Kikyo flipped open her Verizon Wireless cell phone and pressed the speed dial number. There was only one person she ever needed to call urgently. Beep…beep…she waited patiently for him to pick up. Four rings went by. Five. No one answered. Angered, she slammed the phone closed and stormed down the stairs.

"INUYASHA!" she shrieked.

Ten flights down, InuYasha's keen ears pricked up. "Be right back, Myoga. Kikyo doesn't sound very pleased right now."

Running up the stairs, InuYasha passed Kikyo on the way up. "What's wrong, Kikyo?" he asked, concerned.

"What's wrong? You have the _nerve_ to ask me what's wrong? Why don't you ask your precious Kagome," she spat, hurling the picture at him. It hit him on the side of his head.

"Wha—?" InuYasha was dumbfounded. "But…but I don't know anybody named Kagome."

Kikyo did not seem to accept that as an excuse and stormed out of the building. InuYasha had no choice but to unfold the crumpled up photo. At first glance he thought it was Kikyo, but then realized that the girl was about two years younger and had slightly different eye color. He looked at the back which had in his handwriting, "20XX, Kagome and I on the beach." He hurried back downstairs after Kikyo calling, "Kikyo wait! I didn't write this!" He pushed open the revolving glass doors only to run straight into Kikyo.

"I will give you one chance to redeem yourself," she said slowly. "If you want to, come meet me in the back of the abandoned well by the hamlet on your manor in one hour." With this, Kikyo stepped down the stairs and melted in with the crowd.

InuYasha stood there for a few moments, his mouth working but no sound coming out. He turned around and strode back into the ground floor of his company. He slammed a fist down onto an unfortunate receptionist's desk and barked, "Get me a limousine. Quickly."

"Yes—yessir!" The receptionist typed a few words on a screen and clicked on a few buttons. "All set. It's waiting outside."

InuYasha marched outside and into the waiting limo. "To my manor. At the road in the hamlet."

"Yessir." The driver saluted.

InuYasha breathed heavily as the tinted windows of the limo scrolled up slowly. He realized that the picture was still in his balled up fist. Stuffing it into his scarlet robe pocket, he reached into a cooler for a bottle of water. He still could not fathom what just happened; but if going to that well would appease Kikyo, he would do it. InuYasha looked at his hands. A golden band glittered from his ring finger, the sign of his engagement to Kikyo. He rubbed it gently, remembering the childhood moments they had shared together.

"We are here, sir!" The driver stopped the car and opened the door expertly for InuYasha to step out.

"Thank you. Please wait here for me."

"Aye." The driver saluted him smartly.

The abandoned well was deep in the forest behind the little hamlet that populated the grounds of his manor. Why Kikyo wanted to meet there—out of all places, InuYasha could not guess. As he rounded a corner, he saw that Kikyo was already there. A large, gaping wound was scratched on her face. "Kikyo!" he cried out, running to her. His surprise was great when he saw that she had a handgun in her hands.

"Not a step closer, InuYasha," she warned, holding the gun with a trembling but steady hand. "Why did you come back? Didn't you get what you wanted?" She looked at the ground, saw something and picked it up. "I see you didn't get it."

"Wha—what is this?" he asked.

"Prepare to die for all that you have done to me!"

InuYasha barely managed to dodge a—arrow? Coming from a handgun? What was that girl playing at? Instead it hit his arm with a dull thunk. Blood came splattering out. "What the hell, biotch?" he shouted.

Kikyo cocked the gun, aimed, and fired again.

InuYasha's last sight was a speeding arrow tearing towards heart. He slumped against the tree; paralyzed from a spell she cast on it. For even though she had been attacked by InuYasha, she could not bring herself to kill him. Kikyo, her work done, laid her hands over her chest, holding the ring InuYasha had given her and died. Minutes later, the police came, analyzed what had occurred, declared Kikyo as murdered, brought a court to InuYasha, (as they could not get him down) then tried and found him guilty of first-degree manslaughter (though it wasn't fair, since they could not wake him.) And after that whole ordeal, the court could not think of a suitable punishment. Fortunately, Kikyo's arrow did that for them. His sentence would be to remain paralyzed against the tree in an eternal sleep until someone or somebody sought to release him. Rather, could release him. People tried, but they all failed. That is, until the destined girl arrived.

I can't believe I have to write this all up. I swear that the government is against me. Just kidding, just kidding. You know what they're making me do? For parole? Write a story about my life. MY LIFE! They want all my "inner thoughts" and "deepest emotions." I'll give those bastards my innermost thoughts and stuff they wouldn't dream of. Wait till they get a load of this. They want my life story? They're getting it.

Chapter One

My Life

4:10 P.M. September 21st - Sitting in psychiatrist's office along with my two bodyguards. They are holding walkie-talkies, pacing back and forth and looking very professional. The psychiatrist just looked over my shoulder and told me to begin writing. I told him I was writing. He looked at me, rolled his eyes and scribbled something on his stupid notepad. Well, I don't give a damn about what he wrote. I mean, who's going to believe something written by a guy with a nametag that has a smiley sticker that says "Hi My Name is Doctor Jones."

Well, now you know the beginning of my sad, sad, life. Imprisonment for fifty years, frozen in time, for my apparent murder of Kikyo. After she paralyzed me against the tree, she died from blood loss. They buried the ring with her. They thought I killed her so I could steal it and use it to turn full demon. Why would I kill her? I really wanted to be human. But all the evidence pointed to my guilt. Until Kagome came along. Reincarnation of Kikyo, my ass. Who believes in those new-age pseudo-religions, anyhow? And spell? Feh. Some sort of medicine, that's it. All I know and all I care about is the fact that she freed me. I don't care how the hell she did it, only that she did. I don't know what I would have done if we didn't find out that Naraku was the real perpetrator. I guess the company would have gone to the dogs, excuse me, I meant Shesso-maru. Fifty years have passed. Lots of my friends from college have become old people. It's quite bizarre to find that I'm still stuck in the body of a seventeen-year-old. Disturbing, even.

Naraku. I will kill him someday. He tricked Kikyo and I, making her last thoughts of what a traitor I was. But I wasn't. I still can't believe he would sink so low into attacking her, making her think it was me and causing her to kill—pardon me, paralyze me. Though now that I think about it, even though she thought I betrayed her, she still couldn't bring herself to kill me. As a punishment, the officials left me there. Apparently forever, until Kagome rescued me by accident. But then Kaede had to give me an enchanted necklace, causing me to obey Kagome's every whim. Oh, I could refuse, of course. But then she'd say that blasted word "Sit" and I'd drop down flat onto the ground.

__

"InuYasha! Save me!" Kagome shrieked.

"I can't, fool!" I shouted back. "First of all, I wouldn't want to. Second of all, I'm pinned against this tree!"

"Ugh!" she groaned. "Free yourself then."

"Don't you think I would have if I could? Only you can do it! You're Kikyo's reincarnation. You can release the binding spell she placed on it."

Gritting her teeth, Kagome clenched her fist around the arrow shaft and yanked it out.

"Finally!" I shouted and jumped down from the tree. I easily blasted away the demon that had plagued Kagome.

Thus our mild acquaintanceship was founded on the charred remains of a stupid worthless demon. And then I found out she had the ring. The ring that _my_ parents gave to Kikyo. Then we went to visit that old hag, Kaede, who is Kikyo's younger sister. After traveling all the way to this village in the middle of nowhere, she didn't believe my story! The nerve of that woman! But after hearing her version, I pieced together what really happened.

__

"InuYasha?" Kikyo whispered.

"Yes." Naraku croaked, bearing my appearance.

"Do—do you want the Shikon jewel? The one I was entrusted to, the one in my ring? Use it. Turn human, and we can live our lives in peace." Kikyo, trembling, took off the ring and held it out in her hands.

"What do you know, fool?" Naraku growled and swiped at Kikyo's face. She fell, the ring tumbling from her hands.

"What? InuYasha?" Kikyo gasped.

"Peh. Human woman. As if I'd ever marry you. Die now, and rid us of your stupidity!" Naraku hissed and bounded away.

This is when I stumbled upon Kikyo. And she thought I was Naraku, rather, the Naraku bearing my appearance. So she paralyzed me.

I never say "Peh." Everyone knows that. I only say "Feh." Duh! I can't believe Kikyo fell for that idiot's false impersonation of me. I thought she was pretty intelligent, too. As if I'm that ugly! That bastard Naraku. I'll kill him. Or did I mention that I am going to kill him. Oh, and this is just a passing comment, but I _will_ kill Naraku, for my own sake, of course. He dared take up my perfect image and distort it! Back to the present day. The beautiful Shikon-jewel set ring shattered in that encounter, and Kagome and I are going to find it, piece it together before other demons do. Not that I want to do the world any good, no, not at all. Ha! What kind of demon would I be, then? But better I get it, turn into a full demon and rule ruthlessly than some of the other ones. By all the gods and goddesses, I've had one helluva life.

Now, though, I hope to have some piece. Shesso-maru's gone somewhere. Hopefully to keep his nose out of my business. For good. The company is starting to go up again. I can't believe how much it deteriorated when I was incapacitated. Actually, come to think of it, I can. Seeing as how it was _Shesso-maru_ in charge…Anyhow, enough whining about my life. I will go on to my physical description. Though I don't know why you'd care. Every girl in the universe who has seen a picture of me as a young child have cooed "Awww, isn't he so cute?" or "No way! He's beyond cute, he's _adorable_." Then they see me now and run off screaming. So dog ears and long white hair are okay while the "cute baby half demon," huh? But not on the same half demon, just seventeen years old, huh? Isn't that hypocritical?

No, you say? You say it isn't? Do you want me to disembowel you? Devour your innards? No? You back away from me! You dare!

…bzzzz….bzzzz….static…. "The following program is interrupted due to excessive violence. We will return after these messages."

Insert the old guy from the Six Flags commercial dancing to "We Like to Party" 

Ahem. My most profuse apologies about that brief intermission, everyone. Oh, that guy? He's fine. Once the surgeons are done with him. Beg pardon? You say that's why I'm not cute anymore? Because I have _claws_? What kind of ridiculous reason is that? I'm going out onto the street right now and asking a bystander if I look scary. And I'm taking this stupid thing with me so I can record the EXACT conversation.

Me: So, lady, am I scary?

Lady: EEEEEEEEEEEEK (runs away)

Me: Uh…. (Turning around) Madam, would you call me cute?

Lady #2: Beg pardon?

Beggar walking by: 'Scuse me mister, will you spare a penny?

Me: Get the hell away from me!! (Growls, showing fangs.)

Lady #2: POLICE! POLICE! (Drops her purse.)

Me: Ooh! Let's see how much money is in here! (Picks up purse and starts forking through)

Hi my name is Dr. Jones: Excuse me, sir, but I think it's the blood dripping off the claws.

Me: Oh. (Wipes blood onto robes. Waves hand.) Oy, lady! D'you think I'm cute? Aren't I adorable? (Turns around so nice lady can see profile view of me.)

Lady #3: I think you're absolutely to _die_ for. Nice claws, by the way. Where'd you buy them?

Me: (Shoots out claws three inches) They're custom.

Lady #3: (unperturbed) That's great, honey. (Blows bubble with what smells like Bubblicious Strawberry bubble gum) Can you order some for me sometime? Here's my number. (Scribbles number onto notepad and hands me a sheet of Spongebob Square Pants stationery with a phone number scrawled across it.)

Me: (stands there with mouth hanging open like an idiot)

Hi my name is Dr. Jones: I think it's time we go back upstairs. You have made your point.

Me: (getting dragged along) NOOOOO! WAIT! PLEASE! (Begins thrashing about)

Hi my name is Dr. Jones: Mr. InuYasha, sir, please cease that obnoxious noise or I will be forced to call Miss Kagome.

Me: (shuts up immediately.)

After many bumps up the staircase, we make it back up to his office. He gives me this insipid questionnaire with even inane more problems. Just so you know how ridiculous it was, I have pasted a copy of it here. How does this help analyze people?

Full name:  InuYasha

DOB: N/A

Who is your best friend? My cousin, twice removed from my mother's sidec. The little voice in my head Orlando Bloomd. The Battôsai Do you receive an education? What's an edjukayshun?c. Waste of money Of course, fool. I'm a damn geniusd. I'm too smart for school 

Score: 87.6666667

How dumb is that? How do you get an 87.6 repeating for a grade that has TWO friggin questions? And the fact that you DIDN'T ANSWER EITHER OF THEM! Uh-oh. I'm hiding that because the psychiatrist is coming to read this.

Okay. I'm straightening up now. No more nonsense. This is the real thing. Hell with it. Never mind. They aren't going to read this. Time to show 'em my true "inner thoughts"

You f'ing beep how dare you go to beep you beep ! beep They censored me! Those beeping beep !!! They want to count the number of beeps (that was not a swear) I use in a sentence. Well, I'll beeping show those beep beep beep and their beep friends with their beep looks and beep jobs in beep . That was tiring. Eight out of twenty words, or 2/5. Not good enough. I'm going to try again.

beep you beep beep beep , beep and beep , burn in beep . 7/11 words. Guess that's as good as I'll get.

"Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go, crashing into trees HAHAHA! The snow is turning red, I think I'm almost dead, rush me to the hospital before I lose my head!" A plastic gnome with a chubby, cheery face and no apparent off switch warbles this annoying rendition of "Jingle Bells" every single time someone breathes. And my good counselor, Myoga, thought it to be an ingenious idea to give this to me for "Christmas festivities" (it's September) and stuck it onto my desk with something permanently sticky.

I groan and bring my head down at the table as Myoga bounces around me asking "Do you like it? Do you like it?"

"What's _not_ to like?" I said loudly. Under my breath I mutter, "Everything comes to mind," but Myoga didn't seem to hear.

"Excellent!" Myoga beams, clapping his hands excitedly, causing the gnome to begin blaring an off key "JOY TO THE WORLD, MYOGA IS DEAD. WE BARBECUUUED HIS HEEEEEEAAAAAAD! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS BODY, WE FLUSHED IT DOWN THE POTTY, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS BRAIN, IT WENT DOWN THE DRAIN, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS HEEEEEAAAAARRT, WE TORE IT ALL APART!" causing _Myoga_ to hurl his staff at the gnome, breaking off its head.

"My own little interpretation." I bowed. "Besides, Myoga. What do you care about what that stupid little plastic gnome thinks about you?"

Myoga glared at me.

I heave myself out of my swiveling chair and sigh. "Great. Now I have a headless dancing gnome that still somehow sings out of its neck cavity on my desk."

Myoga scooped up the head and marched out of the room in a huff. The buzzer on my intercom buzzes. "InuYasha," I say.

"Mr. InuYasha, someone is downstairs to see you."

"Send 'em up."

"It's a woman," my obnoxious secretary informs me smugly.

"I said 'EM, woman, not HIM," I bellow into the speaker.

"That's even more incorrect. Because I informed you that there was only one per—" I turned the intercom off and buzz the person up in a huff.

A soft knock on the door informed me that my mystery guest had arrived.

"Come in," I called, but the person, being a typical rude one, barged in before I finished my phrase.

In stepped a girl around the age of fifteen, dressed in school clothes, a typical uniform of a Japanese school. She looked everything like a normal schoolgirl, except that she wielded the bow and arrow. And she carried the Shikon Jewel. Surprised? Meet Kagome.

A/N- gaspshockhorror™ (LMAO inside joke sorry) Shesso-maru? Anger management classes? You know, this is like, the opposite of InuYasha. InuYasha was all nice and stuff cuz he was engaged to Kikyo, then she dies and he's all evil now. But of course, you know what's coming up next. If you've read InuYasha. Or watched the animé. Sorry if you are a big Shesso-maru fan. I like him too. He's really cool. But seeing as how this is from InuYasha's pov, it's only fitting that I slam him a bit. Yeah, I know the Six Flags thing is old. But I like it. If you like the beginning, but not the chapter or vice versa, let me know and I'll split up the story. Prologue another story, and a new prologue Ch.1


	2. Is Everyone Here Crazy or Is It Just Me

Chapter Two

Is Everyone Here Crazy, or Is It Just Me?

"Kagome?" I jumped out of my chair, causing it to topple over onto the ground. "What are you doing here at…" I check my watch, "um…7:00 at night?"

She walks over and pokes my head. "Checking on you. You idiot. It's only seven, you know." She pulls up MY swively chair and plops herself onto it. I clench my fist and get all annoyed, anime style.

"KAGOME!" rumble, rumble 

"What?" she asks, feigning innocence.

"THAT'S MY CHAIR!" I hollered, my anger exploding like a time bomb.

"Jeez. Possessive, aren't we?" Nonetheless she dragged herself off my chair and seated herself onto my desk. Seeing as how this was the only compromise I was going to get, I shrugged and let her sit there.

"Yes we are!" I stuck my nose up into the air and sat down onto my chair. Suddenly the stupid intercom buzzes again. I almost fell out of my chair, and only was prevented from doing so from flailing around a bit and ruining my dignity.

"WHAT?" I roared.

"God, InuYasha, I guess Miroku and I will just go home then."

"Sango!" I shouted. "No, no! Come up." I buzzed her in.

Sango is my CIO, chief information officer. Along with Miroku, her aggravating boyfriend, (or so _he_ says, she denies it, but personally I think that he is) she is one of the most important people in my company. She is a recent acquisition, but she has already taken many steps to ensure that Quan Ye Cha, the name of my company, will rise to the top.

Quick, brisk footsteps clicked up the stairs. I chuckled. Sango probably forced Miroku to climb the stairs again. Just to annoy him. I made a mental note to remind Sango not to wear stilettos while doing so, since the clicking was beginning to get on my nerves. We half-dog demons have a very sharp sense of hearing. The door suddenly burst open and Sango came striding in.

"Haven't you people ever heard of knocking?" I asked, irritated, even though I heard her coming a long ways off.

Sango shrugged. "It's not as if you didn't know we were coming. You should be used to this barging in by now."

Sango was more or less the opposite of Miroku. Wearing a pinstriped business suit, she appeared all bossiness with a "don't mess with me" look. Having that gigantic boomerang over her back didn't hurt either. I don't know how she carries it. It makes Tetsuiga look like a plastic kitchen knife. And if all else fails, her stilettos have three-inch daggers as heels.

Miroku, on the other hand, was totally different. He is a monk, (except this part I doubt, since I thought monks were supposed to virtuous) and he carries prayer beads all the time otherwise he may accidentally get in a fit of insanity and kill everyone in sight. He has this staff which he carries to psyche people out, but with his casual dress and even worse attitude, (he is the world's worst flirt) he's basically useless. Not to say he doesn't have his uses. You have no idea how great it is to send him to deal with telemarketers. grins evilly 

"InuYasha, long time no see." Miroku grinned, strutting in. He immediately sat down in front of my desk and put his feet up, causing me to shake with rage.

"MIROKU!!" I bellowed.

The portrait of my mother that was hanging on the wall fell off and hit the ground with a loud crash. I hurry over and pick it up, relieved that no damage was done. I could almost feel my mother's spirit bearing down on me if even a dust bunny fell off of it.

"Sorry?"

Kagome and Sango both gave me looks that plainly said, "He's not worth it."

I shrugged. "Apology NOT ACCEPTED!"

I dove under my desk as Kagome and Sango and Miroku started chucking everything within reach at me.

I looked up. "HEY! That's my Ming Dynasty vase!" I barely ducked in time as my priceless vase came hurtling at my head. Fortunately, my quick reactions enabled me to stick a hand up and catch it, placing it safely underneath my desk besides me. I chanced a peek over my desk when the plastic gnome also came speeding at my head, still caterwauling the alternate version of "Jingle Bells."

I stuck my head out for just enough time to say, "Wow, thanks for getting rid of that thing."

My reply was the bone boomerang. That stupid thing took the top off of my decorative palm tree! "Hey!" I shouted. "That was imported from Hawaii."

The pot came flying at my head.

"Enough!" I roared, jumping onto my table. "OW, OWIE, PAIN!" I shielded my face with my hands.

Finally pleased with their accomplishments, my "friends" if I may be so bold to call them that ceased abusing me. At least physically. Verbal abuse came flying across the room faster than anything Kagome whipped at me, and that girl is a damn good pitcher.

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" A rumbling noise came from my door as a huge shadow loomed around the corner. _Shesso-maru_…I thought, freezing in my spot. momentary silence until all hell breaks loose 

Everyone dives under my desk. "Hey!" I squeak. "Make room for me!"

Everyone cowers, waiting for the worst.

"Whazzup, guys?"

"Shippo?" we all shout, thunderstruck.

"Uh-huh, the one, the only SHIPPO!" He comes sliding across my floor on his little paws, twirling around to a stop. "You may clap now."

Everyone leans back, sighing with relief. Short lived relief. Suddenly, the lights flickered and died out. Static buzzed from my intercom. Lighting flashed and thunder boomed. I yawned. "You just _had_ to make a dramatic entrance, didn't you?"

Shesso-maru entered my office, pulled out the chair from under me, and sat down. Humph. Stupid older brothers. Always think they're better than you are. But THEY'RE NOT!

"Move away, filing. You are defiling my air with your putrid breath fouling it." Shesso-maru waved a hand carelessly, his long, girlish nails catching the light from the bright florescent light menacingly.

I clenched my fists. "You're defiling my office with the horrific stench emanating from your presence."

Shesso-maru chuckled. "So amusing, InuYasha. Just like that human girl I killed a few days ago. She was quite the feisty one."

I noticed I wasn't the only one with clenched fists. "Say whatever you like, Shesso-maru. It's murder. Why haven't you been arrested."

Shesso-maru looked up in surprise from examining his nails. "I bet your pardon? Who dares arrest the mighty Shesso-maru? The top of the society, despite the horrible stigma of having a _hybrid_ half-brother."

My eyes started glazing over.

"InuYasha! No!" Kagome yelled, pulling on my sleeve.

"HAHAHAHA! Kagome, you're mine!" Without warning, Koga comes barging into my office.

"WILL EVERYONE PLEASE SHUT UP!" I barked. No pun or anything intended.

To my surprise, everyone did.

"What the hell are you all doing in my office? It's not a congregational ground, fools!"

"I have business with InuYasha-sama," Sango and Miroku said immediately.

"I'm just plain important," Shippo declared.

Kagome shrugged.

Shesso-maru snorted. "Since when do I answer to you?"

Koga yelled, "Surrender the Shikon shards, dog!"

"WHO ASKED YOU!" everyone else shouted.

"InuYasha did," Koga said smugly.

"I didn't ask _you_ specifically, I asked in _general_." I gritted my teeth.

"Exactly my point," Koga beamed.

Shippo interrupts with incredulity, "You're going to let that mangy cur get away with calling you that?"

"What?" I asked, confused. All of a sudden, it clicks. "HEY!" I yelled. "LOOK WHO'S CALLING WHO A DOG!"

Koga looks at me condescendingly. "I'm not a dog. I'm a wolf."

I start shaking with a combination of disbelief and anger. My mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Words have failed me. I never thought there would be a day when this happened. Out of the blue, I start laughing. The laughter turns to hysterics. Hysterics turn to rolling on the tiled floor (no, I don't want to know what's been on there, leave me be, I want to be hysterical in peace) and beating the ground with my fists.

Everyone takes a step back.

Shesso-maru sighed. "I was going to say something, but seeing as how InuYasha is incapacitated, I'll let that last comment slide."

I pause slightly to cough out a few words, "Some brother you are, Shesso-maru."

"Half," he corrected, before sniffing. "You have yet to do something to make me admit you are in any way related to me, half-breed, which is something I have denied since the day you were born."

I pretended to think. "Do you deny that I'm a half-breed, or do you deny me being related to you?"

"You mongrel! Shut your dirty mouth." Shesso-maru aims a kick at me.

I jump up swiftly. "You want a fight? You, who can't conquer me? Look at these hands, Shesso-maru, and WEEP. These are the hands that have slaughtered millions of DEMONS. I fear neither you nor death. I will defeat you one day, dog, and send you home with your tail tucked between your legs."

Koga seemed to have enough wisdom to sneak out while everyone else was too busy being preoccupied seeing me argue with my half-brother. That's more than I can say for Shippo, who was darting around my chair, shouting, "Go get 'em, InuYasha! Give him a left! And a right! And another left!"

I not too gently shove him under the desk. "You wanna take it outside?" I jeered.

Shesso-maru snorted. "Human slang." And then he dove at me. I opened the window, said, "Ladies first," and waved as he soared through.

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" I shouted after him. Turning to the others, I grinned widely and bowed. "Now accepting encores."

Sorry about that. But it's past Shippo's bedtime, so Kagome and the others brought him, protesting, shrieking and all, home. Good thing too. My psychiatrist is coming soon. Time for another psychoanalysis of myself. As if I could be psychoanalyzed. Ha! I scoff at their ineptitude.

7:37 PM- sitting in my office with my feet up on my desk and an idiot shrink yammering about how that was impolite. NO I AM NOT COPYING MIROKU. DON'T YOU EVEN DARE SUGGEST THAT HE HAD A GOOD IDEA FOR ONCE.

Maybe I should deliberately antagonize him and shove my feet in his face? Nah. He'll defile my precious shoes. They were really expensive, too. DC imported straight from the US. They switched psychiatrists on me. This guy is even worse. He is "Hi My Name is Doctor Smith." Instead of analyzing me, he decided a different approach. It's called the "Equal" approach. He's going to pretend he's a brilliant, handsome millionaire like me (hardeharharhar) and I have to treat him as an equal by telling him everything about my life, NO LIES, he emphasizes. As if. No one is as intelligent and good-looking as I am. Ego blows up a few notches until Kagome kindly takes a needle and pops it. 

My assignment today is how I feel about being unjustly wronged. Hmm…are they admitting that they made a mistake? After all, I _was_ framed. Of course, even though I was framed, I'm still not let off from pulling that outrageous bank robbery and stealing the jewel from Kikyo's bank account. I can't believe that in her will she made them put it into the bank. The nerve! And then it goes and shatters randomly when I first met Kagome. You'd think I'd get a reduced sentence for good behavior.

Insert scene of InuYasha screaming/threatening/intimidating a little kid for accidentally touching the wall of his headquarters Uh…not that one. Sorry. I meant this one.

Insert scene of InuYasha smiling at another little kid, patting him on the head and giving his ball back Scene fails to mention what happens next. Censored for violence Uhh…no.

JEEZ. The whole world is against me. Blah, blah, blah, yadee dadee da. YES, I'm pouring on the pity treatment. YES, you're supposed to feel sorry for me.

All right, semi good behavior. I mean, I haven't killed anyone yet. Not overtly, anyway. ACK! Stop! Don't throw those things at me! I've been abused enough already today!

Hmm…this doesn't seem to be doing me any good whatsoever. So I'll try a different approach. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I HAVE TO DISMEMBER YOU!!!!!"

Hmm…that seemed slightly more effective.

Oh wait. Sorry. Back to my journal entry. J L K But smileys are so much more fun! :-P :'-( :-D ;-) All right. Well, let me tell you the truth here. WHO LIKES BEING FRAMED?

Let's take a poll, shall we? Nah, I'm too lazy to call up the gang. Guess you're stuck with just my opinion. Besides, Kagome would probably say, "I do" just to spite me. Anyhow, that's besides my point. Back to the framing thing.

Naraku is an idiot. If he wanted Kikyo, why didn't he say so. Oh yeah, I would have pummeled him into pulp. Ahem. Besides that. He was too wimpy to outright kill her! What kind of pathetic demon hybrid is he? I have more guts than he does! Well, of course _I_ didn't kill Kikyo. Only idiot humans with difficult relationships kill their fiancées. I, being a demon, like the rest of my clan, have much more efficient ways to deal with them. We don't _have_ fiancées. There. Problem solved, everybody is happy. Naraku still hasn't been caught. How do I feel about that?

PRETTY DAMN AWFUL.

Actually, no I don't. Since if one of those police officers caught him, I might just go crazy. I shall indict him of framing in, _I_ shall be the one to find him, _I_ shall be the one to evoke justice. AND TOGETHER WE SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Eheh, sorry about that. That was totally random and unnecessary. Then again, I am totally random and unnecessary.

"Are you done yet, InuYasha-san?" The psychiatrist stuck his ostrich-like head towards me.

"No," I growl.

He backed away.

"Yes." I handed it to him. He looks it over and starts cracking up. I get slightly angry and thrash him kind of gently. That was rather of an oxymoron. But it was gently. And it was still thrashing.

His facial expression quickly became somber. "I'm sorry for laughing, InuYasha-san. But you meant for the story to be amusing, no?"

"Yes, but you ought not end a sentence with a negative. It implies unfamiliarity with the language." I lied and made it up on the spot. Sorry. I lie a lot. Makes me feel more intelligent.

The psychiatrist shook his head. "I happened to have been an English professor, InuYasha-san."

"So?" I demanded.

He shrugs. "I don't know."

Hmm…maybe there's hope for this psychiatrist yet.

A/N. Quan Ye Cha is the Chinese name for InuYasha. FYI. Also, I changed Miroku's ability. You know, the carpal wind tunnel thing. Cuz it isn't realistic in my story; especially since InuYasha doesn't believe in magic. Okay. Just to make this clear, each chapter is split into three. One part is InuYasha's diary thing; the other is the story. In between is a transition. You can tell when it's his diary, because it's normally just him and a bunch of random stuff. Events aren't normally recorded in the diary. Also, I'm not sure which one will be longer. Which ones do you, as my readers, prefer? Plus it begins with a time and place. Weird. I should be nicer to Koga, since he's my favorite InuYasha character. It's funny. All my favorite characters in manga are minor. Aoshi, Koga, Genkai…the only semi-main is Hiei. Hmm…the way Shippo is portrayed seems to remind me of a character…but who he or she is I cannot remember. Sorry for not updating sooner.


	3. Songs, Cons, and Slow Spinning Redemptio...

Chapter Three

Songs, Cons, and Slow Spinning Redemption

"HOPE DANGLES ON A STRING!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!" A few windows shattered as I bolted out of bed. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF SEVEN HELLS IS GOING ON?"

A jack-in-the-box's face leered in front of me, still chanting, "Like slow spinning redemption, winding in and winding out, the shine of which has caught my eye."

"MYOGA!" I roared, pounding my fists on my bed, then wincing as they hit my knees.

No reply. But I thought I heard some giggling from the room next to mine.

I point at the jack-in-the-box. "Early birthday present?"

I glare at the jack-in-the-box. "Are you trying to imply something?"

"And roped me in, so mesmerizing, so hypnotizing, I am captivated." The jack-in-the-box yodeled, bouncing vigorously to the out of key version of "Vindicated."

I clutched my head and shook it sadly. "Get out."

Another jack-in-the-box springs open from the top of my canopy bed and chants, "Right now, it's the end of you and me."

"MYOGA!!!!!!!!" I shriek again.

I start twitching, and storm out of my room. Somehow, the jack-in-the-box follows me, crooning, "I am vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, I swear I knew it all along."

I plug my ears and start shouting, "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES. I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES!"

I stomp down the stairs, scaring off a few maids in the process, shoved open my door, and bark (no pun intended) at my limo driver, "Get me to my office right now!"

"But sir—!"

"Don't but me!"

The driver shrugs and guns the motor.

Five minutes and many broken laws later, we grind to a halt in front of Quan Ye Cha's headquarters. I opened the door, muttering something about idiots who drive to slow, and froze amidst the chuckles that slowly turned to downright hysterics.

I look down. I'm wearing a teddy bear patterned shirt that reaches to about my knees, and a cute, blue nightcap on my head. I look heavenward and swear that someone is going to be sorry.

To make matters worse, I am wearing FUZZY BUNNY SLIPPERS. There is nothing wrong with fuzzy bunny slippers as long as they are NOT ON MY FEET IN PUBLIC.

"And I am flawed. But I am cleaning up so well!" I muttered, then smacked myself on the head.

Shaking my head to clear it of its nonsense, I strode purposefully into my office building. The woman at the counter had worked there long enough to be tactful and not mention anything about my current predicament.  
"Good morning, InuYasha, sir. Go right on upstairs; I'll have someone deliver your cappuccino in a few moments."

I nodded curtly and typed in the password to my personal elevator. It opened, letting me in. I tapped my slipper-clad feet on the ground, checking my Mickey Mouse watch every few seconds. The elevator chimes and stops. Finally arriving at the haven of my private office, the retina scanner allowed me to turn off the security, rush in, and collapse on my leather sofa. I can't wait for the day to be over, and it's only six fifteen. Fuming about counselors who don't know their place, I slouched down and began plotting my revenge. I was just deciding whether to go with thumbscrews or a rack when out of nowhere, a noise blares up. "I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself, so clear."

I jumped so high that I almost hit the ceiling. I am not even going to ask how the jack-in-the-box got into my office. Apparently, no one is going to tell me, either. Certainly not Myoga, who probably is still giggling madly inside my room.

"Like the diamond in your ring, cut to mirror your intentions, oversized and overwhelmed, the shine of which has caught my eye."

Suddenly, I froze. I felt paralyzed, unable to move.

__

"Kikyo! Where are you going?" I cried, running after her, completely disregarding the steady patter of rain. Completely disregarding the fact that she died. Beads of sweat trickled down the back of my neck, but these too I ignored. Kikyo was running. Something was wrong. She was in pain. I had to find out what the problem was. I wanted to help her. Skidding to a stop right before the corner, I paused to take a brief respite. The taxi sped by, the driver cussing at me loudly. I inhaled sharply and sprinted after her.

"InuYasha?" Somebody was shaking me. But I could not feel it. I could not see who it was.

__

The sun was setting, and soon light would no longer be seen. A voice drifted through my head, telling me that it was the first day of a new moon. With a jolt, I realized that at the pace I was running, it was only my demon blood that kept me going and once I turned fully human, I would collapse and lay prostrate. I could feel the change already. The weakness slowly leaks through. My hair, plastered to my face from the rain, turns black. Pain racks at my sides as the inevitable cramp came through. I doubled over in pain, clutching my stomach in agony. How did Kikyo disappear so quickly? A flash of light from the corner of my eye alerted my senses for a moment, but soon a soft voice breathed in my ear. "Sleep."

"I'm not getting any reply from him!" the voice shouted again, this time more urgently.

__

"And rendered me so isolated, so motivated, I am certain now that I am vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, I swear I knew it all along…" I lay on top of a futon, blinking as the light streamed through the blinds.

"Kikyo?" I whispered.

"Hush, InuYasha."

I struggled up, propping my self against the back using my hands. "What happened?"

"You are innocent, InuYasha. Now I know you are. But do the others?"

"Kikyo! Wait!"

Suddenly, my eyes spring open and I would have jumped out of the sofa if it weren't for Miroku, Kagome, Sango and Shippo holding me down.

"And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well, I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself." I murmured, knowing what I had to do.

I saw my four comrades looking at each other and simultaneously mouthing the words, "Insane."

Somehow, unwittingly, that flea-sized, flea-personality, flea-brained counselor of mine helped me realize the truth. It would be up to me to prove it, though. Shaking my head to clear my mind, I slowly processed what had happened. I don't believe in any of those dream oracles and reincarnation crap, but I do know that that hallucination wasn't just a typical guy-going-insane vision. Now that I know how to do it, I will do everything in my power to clear my name.

Time for my daily round at the psychiatrist's. He changed the schedule. He wants it at 7:15 A.M. and 43.2 seconds. Don't even ask. However, on the bright side, I will be sure to inform you about the rest of our day after the appointment.

Damn psychiatrist. I arrive there at EXACTLY 7:15 A.M. and 43.2 seconds and he TELLS ME I'M LATE. He pointed at his clock, which glowed in those stupid luminescent green numbers 7:15 A.M. and 43.20000001 seconds.

"Shame, InuYasha-san. For being late yet again." The psychiatrist shook his head disapprovingly.

"Excuse me?" I yelped. "If I do recall correctly, _you_ were the one who was late to our last meeting."

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Was too!"

"As long as we both agree." I settled onto my chair, satisfied.

Dr. Smith rolled his eyes. "That trick always worked in comedies and sitcoms."

I snorted. "What shows did you watch?"

He cleared his throat. "Write."

Hmm…did I touch upon a touchy subject? Could there possibly be a devious plot involving taking over the TV studio and forcing every channel to broadcast Family Guy every hour of the day? Or perhaps it was something even more serious and preaching. Such as programming each one to show Spongebob Square Pants. OR worst of all—he could have made everyone in the universe MESMERIZED ON CARTOON NETWORK! Dr. Smith just walked over and told me to stop writing nonsense. Who's writing nonsense here? This is very deep stuff. So deep that it's…shallow. I'm serious. Have you ever stepped into a shower with the knob turned all the way around so the water has been as scalding as it possibly gets? And that it's suddenly so hot that it's cold. Well, this is the same. My thoughts are so deep that they're shallow.

You don't seem to be following my logic here…ARRRGH! WHAT'S UP WITH THAT PSYCHIATRIST? WHY IS HE SITTING THERE GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT?

"So turn, up the corners of your lips," he ululated, placing right his hand against his chest and throwing his head back.

I edge my chair away from him, hearing it scrape against the linoleum of the floor. I hear a voice that whispered, "Part them and feel my finger tips."

__

Trace the moment, fall forever  
Defense is paper thin  
Just one touch and I'd be in  
Too deep now to ever swim against the current  
Looking back, I'm not sure what happened.

__

So let me slip away

It's not my fault.

__

So let me slip away

I didn't know.

__

So let me slip away

Will you forgive me?_  
So let me slip against the current_

You'll help me, right?_  
So let me slip away_

Slowly.

__

So let me slip away

Gradually.

__

So let me slip away

Quickly.

__

So let me slip away

"Write six phrases that you would use to describe what you're feeling right now." Out of nowhere, I hear the voice of Dr. Smith. As I looked up, I saw him smiling at me, his eyes twinkling. If he were fifty years older, he'd make a nice Santa Claus. I bend over to quickly oblige.

I am vindicated  
I am selfish  
I am wrong  
I am right  
I swear I'm right  
I swear I knew it all along.

Dr. Smith walks over. He glances quickly at what I wrote, and nods. "I think we're done for today. Go back to your office. Your friends are probably waiting for you."

I nod, push open the office door, wave a farewell to the receptionist who looks surprised at my less than hostile manner, and manages a frantic wave as the main door closes.

Wow, I'm tired. That was some serious stuff. I'm not acting like my old self. Time to PARTY! Insert scene of InuYasha attempting to disco and tripping over the refreshment table Who's the idiot who keeps taping these scenes!!!!!!!! I WILL WRING HIS SORRY NECK!! Unless he doesn't have a neck. Then I'll have a bit of a dilemma.

__

And I am flawed  
But I am cleaning up so well  
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

My hope  
Dangles on a string  
Like slow spinning redemption...

Hey people, I just thought of something. I add so much random crap in InuYasha's diary i.e. Smileys, random swears, that does it even count as a story? I mean, I don't know if I should keep that up. Wouldn't that annoy some people? Dashboard Confessional's "Vindicated" is such a great song. That is, until my friend catherINE started singing it. Shudders never again. I think it fit rather well. I put it in cuz I was chatting with a friend on the phone and suddenly she plays "Vindicated" for me, and I just realized it'd be perfect. Though if you think about it, in the year this story takes place, the song "Vindicated" wouldn't exist. Since I got mixed opinions on which section to emphasize more on, I decided to compromise and do more of both! Listens for applause…Sorry. I'm rather egotistical. One of my many lovely qualities sarcasm Yeah. That's one too. I'm a caustic, foul-tempered, pessimistically optimistic, ubiquitous, arrogant fool. Okay, I was just kidding. I'm a tad caustic, foul-tempered only when aggravated, pessimistically optimistic, ubiquitous, and only arrogant when others are. Maybe I'm not ubiquitous. However, number one, I love that word. And number two, people are constantly telling that I turn up when everywhere, especially when I'm not wanted. Aren't you so proud of me for updating so soon? Sorry. I'm rambling again. I'm sorry to say that a plot will be coming soon. InuYasha is going to go to court. But I'm skipping the formalities. I know that nobody wants to hear an opening statement, direct, cross-examination, etc. But something drastic will happen… Will probably be updated Monday. Latest Wednesday. But we have Comcast starting tomorrow! Ehehehehe…Sorry, that chapter was pretty serious. I'll lighten up quickly.


	4. Let's All Get Excited For No Reason What...

Chapter Four

Let's All Get Excited For No Reason Whatsoever

A/N- Out of curiosity, how much do you all like InuYasha? Have any of you heard "Change the World"? If you have, you know my current predicament. I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD. Every few seconds I start humming in Japanese words I don't understand!! I mean, I have the English translation, but since I don't have an English version of the song, it doesn't make sense! MUAHAHAHA…I've been sitting in front of the computer for like the whole day, all because we just got Comcast. And for those of you who don't know, Vindicated is from Spiderman 2 and it's by Dashboard Confessional. Disclaimer: Still, I own nothing…And there is no offense implied from the "ghettoness" so I hope there is none taken. I hope you have all realized by now that I'm writing this story completely by instincts and by random thoughts. So please, if that type of writing affronts you, either read another story by me (Resurfacing Memories is much more serious) or just forget about me totally. Keep in mind, however, that some people may enjoy this, as difficult as it may be for you to believe.

Sunday, October 24 8:19 P.M.

Humdeedumdedum…The day isn't over yet! At 9:00 tonight I have to go meet Kagome, Shippo, Sango, Miroku, etc. at Club Half. Personally, I think about half-and-half, as in the stuff you put in your coffee every time I go there. However, it's supposed to imply "half demon" sort of thing, I believe. Why Kagome wants us to meet there out of all places just completely blows my mind. Doesn't she ever read the newspaper? Do the words "spontaneous killing" mean anything to her? I guess not, seeing as how she wants us to meet there. To tell you the truth, I don't know why I'm writing in this journal. It's not like I have to. I could be watching the World Series! First, I have to find out what they are. I heard a very lively discussion between Miroku and Sango about the Yankees and the Red Sox. Miroku was devastated when the Yankees lost, but proceeded to inform Sango that the last time the Red Sox won the World Series was 1918. Who the hell are they? Apparently, Kagome informed me that they are both well-known baseball teams. Baseball, as in the sport where they take a stick of metal and smack a ball as hard as they can, then run around this diamond shaped field, get nearly attacked as someone chucks the ball that barely skims your head?

Do you see any fun in that? Actually, I find baseball very intriguing. Kagome once tried to teach us how to play. I recall her yelling at me for beating Miroku over the head with a bat. Obviously that's not allowed… Such a shame. It so wasn't my fault, though! He started it by throwing the ball at me! The nerve! Good thing I had that weird glove to catch the ball with. So many sports would be much more interesting if some violence was added. Yet when I told her this, she snottily informed me that if I found smashing your head against someone else's interesting, I could go watch football.

But it's not fun to beat someone up for a _reason_. I prefer to do it just for the heck of it. They should make a sport like that. They do, you say? It's called boxing? Yeah, but boxing/wrestling is all "honorable." Who cares about honor? All it does is that it gets in the way when you need to do something important. I'm going to invent a sport called InuYasha's sport that involves picking on a random bystander. Ready? Let's try it out. First I'm going to disguise myself so that no one will recognize me. Insert image of InuYasha in an Elvis wig and outfit Um….no. Insert image of InuYasha in a trenchcoat and Doc Martens That could work. Could be potentially lethal both ways.

An innocent little boy in a cap and breeches is strolling down the street.

Me: HAHAHAHA! Little boy, prepare to meet your demise! (Bares fangs and claws.)

Boy: (Whips out an Uzi) Wanna bet?

Me: Ehh…no. (Turns to a bum) Yo! Bum-in-the-street. You got the guts to fight me.

Bum-in-the-street: (Holds out police badge) I'm going to have to arrest you for disturbing peace.

Me: Who me? Disturbing peace? Wouldn't dream of it. (Puts hands behind back and whistles)

Me: (Looks around for another unsuspecting bystander. Sees pompous lady decked in Nine West stilettos, a Gucci handbag, BCBG Max Azria dress, a mink coat, and DKNY hat.) Hey, lady!

Lady: (Turns around) Yes, sir?

Me: Let's fight! You an' me, right here, right now!

Lady: I could kick your ass any day anywhere. Want to try?

Me: (Backs down) Uh…never mind, I think my mom's calling me in for dinner.

Hmm…that sport seems to be a dud. People these days just aren't who they used to be. Oh well. The clock has just struck 8:49. I believe that is my cue to be going now. Ta ta, y'all. Wait, wait, I'm taking this thing with me. You never know what could happen along the way that could be diary/notebook worthy. I opened the back door out of my office, which leads to my own, private spiral banister especially designed to slide down. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. No one else knows of it, except for the architect who designed it. Don't ask what happened to him…you don't want to know…haha just kidding. He's alive. I think.

Argh! It's quite difficult to write whilst sliding down a banister. Just in case you didn't know that. Woohoo! Pardon me while I stop to fix my hair. It happened to defy gravity on the way down. All right. Finally, out of the front door. Yes, I'm dressed in my black business suit. I might ditch the tie before I reach the café, though. All right, all right. I'm getting rid of it all. I'm wearing a black t-shirt that says, "Eminem is my homie" in spiky gothic letters and chained jeans. Don't want me homies to think I ain't ghetto enough. So I'm gonna put on me bling and me cool shades and then the hoop earrings. Nah, I'll do that in the limo. I can't write and accessorize at the same time. I may be a skilled multitasker, but I'm not that skilled. My Tetsusaiga is strapped to the inside of my black leather jacket.

Well, I think that's enough about my "thoughts" for today. I'll write more later, perhaps.

It's time for some serious…. eating! And I really want to know what this "top-secret" meeting is going to be all about. Maybe, if I'm in a good mood, I might even SHARE it with you. Gasp! The shock! The surprise! HAHAHA…no. In any case, I will write soon…. But first, you must define 'soon' for me.

"All righty, driver! Let's go to Club Half!"

"Aye, InuYasha-san!" The car lurches forward, and I unfortunately lurch backwards, an unpleasant combination.

Pulling on my visor backward (it remains baseball-neutral—it just has a dollar symbol on it) and donning my "shades," I practice my ghetto poses in front of the mirror. I reach into the cooler and pop open a can of Pepsi. Downing it in a few gulps, I call to the driver, "Step on it!"

Not a moment later did I regret those words…Let's put it mildly…Disheveled as a serious understatement. We pulled up at the front of Club Half. My driver opens my door and ushers me out onto the red carpet. Cameras flash and reporters drone on in front of my face. Screaming fan girls wave for my attention. Ahhh, who am I kidding? The club was virtually dead. I mean, I don't think people realize it opens before 10:30. I open my own door and bellow, "Outta my way, buffoons!"

Quickly, Kagome and Miroku come up behind me and dragged me in before some drunken idiots could figure out I was addressing them. "What happened to being inconspicuous?" Kagome hissed. "And pull up your pants!" She was decked in a short, punkish, leather miniskirt, a large belt with spikes on it, rhinestones around her neck, many studded bracelets, chains, black boots that went up to her knees that had big silver buckles and a black halter top that said "Shut up and dance."

"What? You don't think ma bling is inconspicuous? And you're too goth!" I do heed her advice and inch my jeans up a millimeter.

"First of all, if you're going to act all 'ghetto,' you can't say inconspicuous." Sango took this opportunity to inform me smugly. She wore a glittery t-shirt that said, "Shake it like a Polaroid picture" and tight black jeans.

"All right, all right. Ya don' think ma bling blends in with yo homies?"

"That's more like it." Shippo came bounding out in front of me wearing a fro wig and shiny silver disco pants. Rings glinted from all his fingers.

I shake my head. "No."

Miroku sticks his head through the front door. He had his hair up in a bandanna and, like me, had much bling around his neck.

"I'm not goth!" Kagome protests.

"You look like one! Though Shippo looks like a disco dancer, Sango looks a little too preppy, and Miroku looks like just plain Miroku, I look like a rapper wannabe, you are dressed the worse!"

Kagome fumes silently for a few moments until Miroku pipes up, "That's just InuYasha's way of telling you that you look HOT."

"Why you!" I spluttered, my face boiling. You could have melted steel on it.

"Whatever." Sango rushed. "Let's go into the club."

"Good idea." Shippo chirped, leading the way while humming to "Kung-fu Fighting" and making a weird little hop every time he reached the last syllable.

I shook my head. "You know what that reminds me of? Those little hamsters that you press the paw and starts dancing."

Myoga appears from nowhere and exclaims, "Good idea, InuYasha-san!"

I sigh and put my face in my hands. Shippo and Miroku, who seemed determined to pull me into the club, deprive me of even this simple respite. I enter the club, which is virtually empty, and head over to the refreshment table when I am restrained by, guess who? Shippo and Miroku.

"Come this way," they hiss into my ear.

"Why?" I asked irritably.

"There's someone you have to meet," Kagome says.

I grumble and moan something inaudible, but follow them nonetheless.

They lead me through a series of long, winding hallways that all seem to look the same. Who knows, maybe they were the same. Finally, after two whole agonizing minutes, we arrived at the fated door. Dramatic music seemed to play (Beethoven's 5th Symphony) as the door slowly creaked open.

A halo of light seemed to surround the door. I shield my eyes from this holy beam and suddenly, figure steps from the expansion of brightness.

"InuYasha…" the voice rumbles. "What have you done to Tetsusaiga?"

"It's here." I pull it out from the interior of my jacket and hold it in front of me.

The unearthly voice intones again. "Put it down, O worthless one, son of a demon so great."

"What!" I yelped. "You! You old geezer! What the hell are you doing here?"

"I am here to see what you've done to my poor, precious, Tetsusaiga." The old man hobbled from the light. He looked much less saintly and much more like the doddering old fool he is. Totosai. And I thought we saw the last of him when I…um… incriminating evidence 

"What? Since when was it _your _et quota, poor, precious, Tetsusaiga?"

"Since I forged it," he snapped, snatching it rudely out of my hands. He cooed to it with the air of one to a favorite child. "Aww, my poor baby subjected to the horror of that idiot's clumsy, bumbling hands."

I looked heavenward, clenching and unclenching my clumsy, bumbling hands. Kagome, noticing this, placed a hand over my mouth and muttered in my ear, "Listen to what he has to say."

"The marks on Kikyo when she died—" Totosai began.

I stiffened.

"—YEESH…Touchy. Continuing on. That was not my precious Tetsusaiga. Oh, sure, that's what the witnesses claimed it looked like, but I would know the difference of my baby's marks and those of another easily."

I growled. "Then why didn't you _testify_, old fool?"

He shrugged. "I didn't have a reason to."

That was the last straw. My temper built up and I began twitching.

Totosai backed away, holding up his hands. "However, there's still time. The usual laws did not apply to you. Due process will be given since you did not receive it the first time. And since your friends here have offered me some tantalizing rewards…"

I glared at him.

"No, _hentai_. They offered me a forge to work at. One for my own; where I could command others." A misty and faraway look sprang into his eyes, and I had a bad feeling about it.

"Where are they going to get the money?" I asked suspiciously.

"Why don't you ask them?" he grinned wickedly.

Kagome, Sango, and Miroku simultaneously blushed. Shippo just looked confused.

"Well?" I asked menacingly.

"Your treasury," Sango muttered.

"I BEG YOUR PARDON!" I bellowed.

"Your treasury," Kagome repeated sullenly.

"I BLOODY HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!"

"Well, where else were we supposed to get the money from?" Miroku tried to act reasonable.

Unfortunately for him, reasonable was not something that occurred to me at the time.

"FROM YOUR OWN FRIGGIN BANK ACCOUNTS! I'M NOT THAT LOADED, YOU KNOW!"

Kagome snorted. "Says the guy who imports all his clothes from Hollister, Pacific Sunwear, and Hot Topic from the US, has a limo, fifteen rooms of clothes, four of which hold shoes, two that hold accessories, three mansions, two estates, and his own village."

"Hey! How do you know all about that?"

She gave me a bored look. "I observe."

What could I say? "I will not dignify that with a reply."

"That is one."

Infuriating wench…. Makes extremely violent gestures that involve much blood and guts spurting that is certainly not PG-13 

"Well, I've still got no cash to spare, at least not on the likes of him." I gesture in his direction.

"Well excuse me!"

"You're excused," I inform him.

"Well? Please?" Kagome pleaded, reminding me of the original point of the conversation.

I mumble and grumble for a few moments, just for show, of course, and begin grudgingly, "Well—I suppose, maybe—"

I am cut off as Kagome flings her arms around my neck and starts gushing, "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!"

I pat her gingerly on the head and step back. "Why are you so happy? I mean, this isn't even for you. He's just gonna testify for my case. Why do you care whether or not I'm innocent?"

She stared at me as if the answer were the most obvious thing on the face of the planet, next to the sky is blue. Which actually, if you think about it, is not that obvious. All right, all right. She said, "Of course I care. Because you're innocent."

Miroku whispers obnoxiously loud, "Because she doesn't want her boyfriend to be on parole."

"WHO SAYS I'M HER BOYFRIEND!" I shriek just as Kagome joins in with "WHO SAYS HE'S MY BOYFRIEND!"

Miroku sniggers. "Well, it's painfully obvious that you two are just MAD about each other."

I look at Kagome. "Temporary alliance to rid the earth of this waste?"

"Agreed."

Note-the following preview is rated R for excessive use of expletives, blood, gore, weapons, and some tobacco usage 

I clap my hands to rid it of Miroku germs, then continue to tell Kagome, "Why would I ever want you to be my girlfriend? You're ugly, mean-tempered, and just plain annoying."

Kagome's temper flared up. Heeeheeeheee. I love provoking her! It's so fun. "AT LEAST I'M NOT A FOUL, EVIL, HALF-DEMON!"

"Oh yeah! I forgot, you're also human."

"Watch it…." Sango growled.

"No offense intended for other humans."

"ENOUGH!"

Amazing. Though I am a foul, evil half demon with claws of steel and a gigantic sword, no one shuts up when I declare enough. A decrepit, bent over, ancient geezer shouts it in his feeble old voice and you could hear a demon breathe. That's pretty quiet, for your information. Do you sense some unfairness in this situation? I DEMAND RESPECT!

****

NOTE! You are talking to an attention deprived, delusional, youth. Please make some allowances.

I RESENT THAT LAST REMARK!!

"InuYasha. I shall go to court to arrange a meeting for you. You will pay me in deposits until I help you win your case. I have places to go, people to meet. I'm not just an old man. I'm an old man _with a life_. It's time to parTAY!" Totosai started breakdancing, and that is a sight that will forever scar me for life.

I edge away slowly from him. "Whatever floats your boat, old man. Come on, guys." I motion for the others to follow me. Surprisingly, they obey.

Anyhow, we all manage to return without mishap. Since it's past nine thirty, we decided to get back to my place to kick back, turn up the stereo, and party. I wonder where the old man went… disturbing images Uh….No. Well, I shall catch you all in the next episode of…DUN DUN DUN…The chronicles of my life. Sorry about that cheesiness. We were watching TV and this stupid "TBC" came up.

A/N- Many thanks to Snoochie, who informed of my spelling error of Tetsusaiga. Gyahh! I only know that guy's name in Chinese! The sword guy…. The one who forged Tetsusaiga. (I have the volume in Chinese) Must find out name in English! Does one of you care to enlighten me? Ah, thank you all who reviewed. I am now enlightened. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but Myoga looks a WHOLE lot like Happosai from Ranma ½. They're identical. Seriously! Then again, with so many characters, I suppose it's hard to be original. Of course Kagome and InuYasha will be together. Look at the way they're bickering. ;-D I will probably update soon, Chapter Five is already half-way done. 9th grade is so evil, though. I have a paper to write in ART! Why do I need a paper for an ART class? And I have a Cell Bio test, so I must go study now. Or at least "pretend" to do so.


	5. A Brief Look At InuYasha's Emails

Chapter Five

A Brief Look at InuYasha's Emails

One quick A/N- PLEASE DO NOT TRY THE EMAILS IN MY STORY! That I had to say. No, I do not believe that anyone is truly that stupid. Sorry if you clicked for curiosity. But HONESTLY.

5:32 P.M. November 18. Man, I've been lazing around the whole day in my nice white terry cloth bathrobe and bunny slippers. SHHH! Don't you dare tell. Shesso-maru left his adopted daughter here. She is driving me insane. She just stares constantly at the computer screen, not blinking, barely breathing. She just asked me why there is a green line underneath happiness. Why does she care? WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT A GREEN LINE? AAAAAAAHHHH! Hmm…that scared her away. I think she went into my personal home theatre room. I have Dolby 4.5 digital surround sound. I hope she doesn't go deaf. I have it on full volume since I enjoy the screams when they're louder. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

Auto response from InuYasha: brb stupid comp messin' up

All I'm going to say is that you NEVER EVER want to hear the Barney song on a home theatre system with the volume on full blast. And I don't give a damn how many lovely purple pixels he is, either.

Miroku is shattered. He won't leave his room. Sango, on the other hand, is bouncing off the walls in ecstasy. As in _joy_. Happiness. The first time the Red Sox won the Word Series…in wait for it…. 20XX-2004…. Uh… whips out pocket protector just kidding more than 86 years. He bet Sango that he wouldn't flirt with any girl for a week if the Red Sox won the World Series. This will be difficult for him to keep. Ooh boy! I can't wait to see him fall to his knees and beg her to change his punishment. Want to place bets to see when he'll crack?

That's too cruel? Why? The best thing about other people's miseries is to take advantage of it. Would you prefer I torture him by popping in and out of his room singing, "THE YANKEES LOST! THE YANKEES LOST!" Or maybe I should send him a gnome! No, that's cruel even for me. Yawns That party last night was extreme. I better go take a nap now.

AAAAAAAHHHH! IT'S 1:23 P.M. ON NOVEMBER SIX! AHHHH! A WHOLE um…let's count…6,7,8,9,10,11,12,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,1, 23 minutes. I'll leave you to figure out the time lost.

A cappuccino is by my bed. Nice and hot and steamy, still. I better make sure I don't—awww, shit, I spilled some on my white bathrobe.

Hmm, my computer has just informed me that I've received an email. Let's go check it out, shall we?

From: Miroku, 

To: InuYasha-sama, , Sango-san, , Kagome, 

Subject: World Domination

yo sup guys? dont mind the subject its 1 of my preset ones ;-D so, inuyasha-kun, wens th ball? o, my bad i meant to quote u exactly "the um formal celebration thingy" let me kno ASAP k, I mite have plans w/da grls that nite. Ttyl and cya

Miroku-san

The hottest guy dead or alive.

Ps sango the red sox suck

One word. BLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH! That guy has ego issues, not to mention grammar. I'm going to reply to it now.

From: InuYasha-sama, 

To: Miroku (aka corrupt monk), , Sango-san, , Kagome, 

Subject: Re: World Domination

Miroku, you never cease to disgust me. Not only are your spelling and grammar terrible, but the excessive use of "da" simply makes me want to retch. And I so did not call it "the um formal celebration thingy." I _most definitely_ worded it as, "The….er…. ball I'm holding to celebrate the….you know, thingy." And for your information, it's Friday.

InuYasha-sama

Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.

There. hits enter key with satisfied look Now I will wait for a reply from somebody. While I'm waiting let's go outside and harass bystanders again. Last time was fun. I'm going to get my revenge on that lady, though. She whacked me in the head with her Gucci bag when she walked by. And I'll bet it was on purpose, too. Image of InuYasha's head with a big bulge on it, anime style 

Hang on a sec! I'm due for a big interview about my ball thingy. Yep, there's the reporters now. Butler just let them in. They are entering my door. There's nowhere to hide! I must face them myself with my machine gun! Image of InuYasha dressed like James Bond 

"Um…is this InuYasha-san?" A newbie reporter stuck her head timidly through my door.

"'Course, honey, walk right in." A cameraman whose manners rivaled my own swaggered in, Hawaiian print shirt, bulky bags and all.

"I like the newbs better. And it's InuYasha-sama to you. Now buzz off. I'm only going to talk with the head of your reporters."

Another woman walked in. She was wearing a blue business suit and a microphone with a hat that shaded her face. "That'd be me, InuYasha." She tipped her hat.

"AHHHHHHH! I'm having a nightmare all over again!" I shriek and dive under my blankets, quaking.

"Chill, InuYasha," she said casually. "I'm not here to eat you, I'm here to interview you."

I stare at her. "What's the difference?" Standing before me was Tsubasa Hiroge. The most infamous reporter in all of Japan. The bigwigs only sent her out if they wanted her to destroy the better known corruptees of Japan. Or people they didn't like.

"I didn't do it! I swear!" My voice came out slightly muffled.

"Hey, they're just curious about your court case," she offered. "We're not trying to make you look bad, they just want the truth. Besides, I lied. I'm just here to prepare you. Our REAL best reporter is waiting in the wings in case you give me a hard time."

I peek out. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure."

I straighten. "You better not use what just happened as blackmail," I warned. "Or my lawyer will rip you to shreds."

Tsubasa winked. "Wouldn't dream of it." She gestured at the newbie. "This is Sakura. And that is Hazu."

This is how our interview went.

Tsubasa: So, Inu-Kun—you don't mind if I call you that, do you? (Glares)

Me: (pretends to ponder for a bit, just to annoy her) Well, I suppose…. Hmm, since it's you….

Tsubasa: (gives up, annoyed) All right, InuYasha-san.

Me: SCORE!

Tsubasa: Beg pardon?

Me: Never mind…

Tsubasa: (clears throat) So, why the sudden change in court plans?

Me: Eh? What court plans? What ees zis court plans you speak ov?

Tsubasa: Are you stating that you are racist against people with thick, Romanian accents?

Me: Eh? Sick Rrrrromanian accents? Me? Rrracist? Vhat are you speaking ov? I just 'ave a slight 'ead cold, zat's all.

Tsubasa: (looks at cameraman) Apparently InuYasha-san is too busy mocking other people than to speak with a lowly reporter like me. I think it's time for us to send out our newest reporter, who has recently risen to the top.

Me: Oooh, I'm scared now. (Makes tough looking face)

Drumroll

Top Reporter: Tada!

Me: (groans) You are kidding me, right?

Top Reporter: (smirks) We gave you a chance to save face, Inu-kun.

Me: KAGOME, GET OUT!

Kagome/Top Reporter: That's why I never told you my job.

Me: Ms. Hiroge, come back! (attempts to escape room)

Kagome: (grabs back of coffee-stained bathrobe) I don't think so, Inu-kun.

Me: (growls) You are enjoying yourself WAY TOO MUCH.

Basically, the rest of the interview was Kagome and I spitting into each other's faces. Our um…. impeccable choice of vocabulary leaves me with no choice but to leave out the rest. Let's just say that Kagome's words were more colorful than that of a rainbow's.

In the end, I must say that I prevailed. As I always do, of course. bows, accepts flowers

Here, I'll write down what was shown on TV. Darn those people, censoring our deeply thoughtful conversation.

"And now, to our exclusive _interview_ with the most famous _half_-demon _in_ all of Japan, InuYasha!" The bimbo reporter exclaimed excitedly, emphasizing non-important words such as interview, half, and in.

Then there was a horrible, zoomed in picture of me. I was probably half-asleep, dazed, and annoyed, not the most beautifying combination in the world. But of course, I'm always beautiful. Ego pushes everyone out of the room ;-D You know it! Ehehe, sorry about that.

TV Kagome said all perkily, "So, Inu-kun, what prompted you to redo a court case?"

TV me blinked stupidly at her. Real me jumped up from bed and screeched, "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN! STUPID TECHNOLOGY ADVANCES ALLOWING CAMERA MAN TO EDIT STUFF!!! NOOOOOOO I'M BEING RUINED!!!" Angrily, I slammed my fist down on the table, juggling a few delicate china teacups. With my skilled demon reactions, I whizzed out of the comfy massage chair and caught all the cups, including the one teetering dangerously on my nose. I picked up the phone, determined to call and yell at Kagome.

Suddenly, TV Kagome said, "Just kidding. Your top notch technology manufacturer is not a fat, tired, pathetic fool." Under her breath she said, "Though he may act like one." But I heard it only because my super duper demon senses honed in on it.

Just as I lifted a finger to press the speed-dial button for Kagome's number, the phone rang, causing me to leap backwards from my chair and nearly shatter the teacups I worked so hard to save. "What?" I growl crabbily.

"Did you like my documentary?"

"I shoulda known," I muttered.

"Ask pardon?" Kagome said airily.

"Don't you mean _beg_ pardon?" I replied snottily.

"No." I could just _see_ her stick her nose up in the air. Fine, I _do_ have a camera phone. Or whatever you call it. But you know what I mean. "I _never_ beg."

I snorted. "Mhmm…what about that time when—"

"That was an exception!" she protested. "Come on! We were young, innocent. I was a girl with ideals. You were a conniving young man. You had what I wanted. I had to gave up some of my dearest values."

"By _begging_?" I rolled my eyes. "How?"

"No. By asking something from a guy without demanding it."

My forehead had an abrupt meeting with the table. "Sexist much?"

Kagome grinned. "Not at all. But perhaps my experience with guys hasn't really made me look better upon them."

My eyes rolled all the way so that if there were a light I'd be able to see the inside of my head.

"Oops. There's somebody call waiting. I'll get back to you later." Click…. Beep…. Beep…. Beep. I stared at the phone.

Well, they didn't _really_ destroy me. I think it was a publicity stunt. They want as many people to show up as possible on the day of my case, so that if I lose, WHAMMO. Big story, big destruction. You know what it's like. But if I _win_, even BIGGER story, and bigger destruction. They'll be buzzing around, pecking at the police who accused me. This is too much for my poor brain. I'm gonna check some more emails.

Welcome, InuYasha-sama! You have 72 unread messages:

Inbox (2), Bulk (999)

Stupid telephone companies/spammers. Sending me all those idiotic pieces of spam. As if I would have read them if they were in my own inbox.

Myoga, who somehow turned up again, piped up, "You _did_. You were so happy to see '999 messages' that you would waste hours online, pretending that someone appreciated you. That's why we had to add the 'bulk' feature in your email account."

"WHO ASKED YOU, YOU OLD FLEA BAG?" I roared, spit flying unattractively from my mouth.

He took this opportune moment for his escape. I'm too tired to chase after him. AHAHAHA. This was forwarded to me by Sango.

From: Sango-san, 

To: InuYasha-sama, , Kagome, 

Subject: Fwd: icantbelieveyoumiroku!!

He should check the title before opening any attachment. I'll bet our good friend thought it was either pictures of certain things or coupons for free food.

Sango-san, wrote:

Miroku, hon, even I thought that was low. Using your ahem…associations with certain unsavory females as an excuse to avoid InuYasha-san's ball. I will have to forgive you, though, if you open this attachment.

Attached: File justdesserts.exe

Miroku, wrote:

SANGO U MORON I HATE U 4EVA U KNO WUT THAT VIRUS DID TO MY COMP? IT MADE A PERMANENT I LOVE RED SOX BANNER AS MY BACKGROUND i cant even get it off and now i'll have to xplain y i cant do ne of my reports to inuyasha cuz seein that makes me sick i'll get u 4 this, sango!!!!!

Miroku-san

The hottest guy dead or alive

Don't fail—get fastmail.

Call 1-800-BEG-ONE to get rid of demons in your area today!

HA! I can't breathe; I'm laughing so hard.

Must reply!

From: InuYasha-sama, 

To: Sango-san, 

Cc: Kagome, , Miroku, 

Subject: LMFAO

Sango, I applaud your brilliance. Miroku, no can do. All those reports are still due. Close your eyes while you work or something. But you're going to have to do something amazing to top Sango's work. I expect you at my gala, by the way. The chicks will have to wait. Besides, don't they come along with you to all these events, hanging off your arms? You are such a typical human womanizer, Miroku. Get a life and a girlfriend. Sorry if I sound harsh.

InuYasha-sama

Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back.

Phew. That was way to moral and noble to have come from my fingers typing. I'll deny all evidence of it later. Once I send them all a program to delete that email from their computers, and all computers that contain it. Two more emails left to check.

From: Kagome, 

To: Inu-kun, , Miroku, , Sango-san, 

Subject: Re: LMFAO

yo dawgs sup? Sorry, my brother insisted on writing something. But I made him go away, so we're all fine and dandy now. Amazing, Inu-kun. I always knew there was a cutsey fluffy little puppy hidden inside you. KAWAAI'I! Lol, jk.See you all at the ball.

From: InuYasha-SAMA, 

To: Kagome-CHAN, 

Subject: Fwd: Re: LMFAO

Attached: File i'llshowucute.exe

8:05 P.M. November 18. See? I am not one to be messed with. Sorry that I didn't get out and GREET THE WORLD. You are stuck with a journal entry of my boring day today. I will stop being a bum and get out sooner or later. After all, tomorrow is Friday. Gotta go out and by my tux tomorrow. We shall have some _very_ interesting adventures…

A/N- I have NO clue what the names mean. I took them from "Change the World" And I'm not sure about the way I split up the chapter. It was basically completely diary. The conversation with Kagome he wrote down. So sorry it took so long. I've got exams in less than two weeks, regional auditions (I play violin) in less than two days, yet I still find time to work on my fanfiction. BE GRATEFUL! Lol, I'm just kidding.


	6. The Calm Before the Storm

A/N- I have NO clue what the names mean. I took them from "Change the World" And I'm not sure about the way I split up the chapter. It was basically completely diary. The conversation with Kagome he wrote down. So sorry it took so long. I've got exams in less than two weeks, regional auditions (I play violin) in less than two days, yet I still find time to work on my fanfiction. BE GRATEFUL! Lol, I'm just kidding.

Chapter Six

The Calm Before the Storm

A/N- I don't own InuYasha, or, as shown in the little excerpt in this chappie, Gollum or Smeagol or anything concerning LOTR. As much as I wish so….

The sun rose merrily over a brisk November day. The few birds still remaining chirped their morning call. In a beautiful estate overlooking the countryside, a 17-year-old half

"InuYasha, HURRY! The taxi meter's running!" Kagome's voice bellowed at me from about two stories down. She came by my house –er—manor, at 6:30 in the morning. I am not even kidding you. And she expects me to be bright and cheery and happy and joyful to go _tuxedo_ shopping. Puh-leese.

"COMING!" I hollered back, barely putting on my jacket. "IT'S COLD OUTSIDE! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE METER, I'LL PAY THE BILL."

"Coming from the guy who was more stingy about a better cause," Kagome muttered.

"Hush, or you'll pay it."

Kagome shut up immediately.

"Sir, I don't think you should be riding a taxi—" my butler interrupted.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be fine." I hurtled out of the door and barreled into the taxi, much to the driver's consternation.

"Bring us to the nearest boutique." I ordered.

"Yessir." The taxi driver zoomed off. Along the way, he tried to make pleasant conversation. Actually, to call it pleasant would be lying. "Boutique shopping, eh? Your girlfriend making you commit at last?"

"She's not my girlfriend," I said between gritted teeth.

"He wishes," Kagome muttered at the same time.

"Oh." The taxi driver was not deterred. "Well, then why are you going to shop for a suit?"

"Because I'm going to a formal dance."

"For school?" The driver was shocked.

"No, fool. One I've organized."

"I'm only accepting that comment because you're paying me," the driver informed me. "But what about your date? Why aren't you going with her? You don't want a suit that'll clash with her dress."

"What clashes with black?" I said with a derisive snort. "And that's assuming I _have_ a date."

"Black!" The taxi driver was shocked. "Who wears _black_ suits these days? It's spring olive or wood brown. Maybe even courage red."

I'm sorry to say that for the first time in my life I was speechless. Even when I was a baby I always had a retort for everything, whether it be "Goo" or "MINE."

"Besides," the oblivious driver continued blandly, "You _have_ to have a date. I mean, if you organized it. It'll be so tacky if you show up at your _own_ celebration without a date." Oblivious to my obvious anger, that is. Steam was puffing from my ears and flames were shooting out of my mouth.

Kagome, sensing the impending danger, covered my mouth with her hand.

"My friend isn't feeling very well, so I think he won't be talking for the rest of the ride there. OW!"

I bit her hand.

"SIT!"

"Ahm ghonna keel mfgu fahmome." I said through muffled tones since my face was squashed against the seat. Let me tell you, old leather doesn't taste very good. (I'm going to kill you Kagome)

Kagome sat back, a serene smile on her face. "I'm sorry. I couldn't quite hear that last comment. It's almost as if your face is squashed into the seat."

The taxi driver snorted.

"Mhfm gapfh you phmermishun mtfo thalc, foo?" (Who gave you permission to talk, fool?)

There was no response. Not only am I feeling undignified, but I'm feeling unappreciated too. **Sobs hysterically**. Sudden crowd of insane fangirls, clamoring around me asking me to sign anything they have, including certain areas of their bodies, screaming, "OMG U R DA HAWTNESS INUYASHA WE LUV U LIKE SO TOTALLY MUCH!"

I mean it. With all the IM abbreviations/misspellings. **Sighs** Illiterate fangirls depress me. Pushes away picture On second thought, I prefer being mashed against the seat.

Finally, I could feel myself being able to move again. So, as revenge to Kagome, as soon as we stepped out of the taxi and I paid our fare (an outrageous 1000 yen) I began to warble in a horrid opera voice, "NOBODY LIKES ME, EVERYBODY HATES ME, THINK I'LL GO EAT WORMS." Even insects and wild animals cowered and fled beneath my dulcet tones. Kagome covered her ears and shrieked, "INUYASHA SI—" before I managed to sweep her off her feet and continue singing in my loud obnoxious voice. "Revenge is sweet," I hissed into her ear.

"I'll get you for this…mark my words," Kagome threatened.

Humph. So not fair that she's got the whole "sit" thing over me. Evil plot forms in InuYasha's head

Schizo conversation between "angel" and "devil" side of InuYasha. Or rather, less corrupt and malevolent/vengeful side. (InuGollum and SmeagolYasha!)

InuGollum: (Hisses) Let's make her pay, preciouss…let InuYasha get a spell to cast over mean nassssty fat Kagome. evil glint in eyes

SmeagolYasha: (cowers) Kagome isn't fat. No, no! green shine in eyes

InuGollum: Maybe, but she's not nicccccee….no, preciousss, not nice like Master.

SmeagolYasha: Who's Master, preciousss?

InuGollum:….Shaddup. That's besides my point.

SmeagolYasha: Oh, how we wishes we could get rid of nasssty InuGollum.

InuGollum: What was that, preciouss? (rubs hands menacingly)

SmeagolYasha: Nothing….nothing at all. (puts hands behind back and whistles innocently)

InuGollum: (sneers suspiciously) Ssssure that'sssss what they all sssay, precioussss.

SmeagolYasha: (takes control) Back to the debate—Kagome is nice to us, preciousss. She only makes us ssssit when we're bad, preciousss.

InuGollum: But we're never bad, preciousss, yet she makes us ssssit anyway. She deSSSSERVESS to be controlled with a word like usss.

SmeagolYasha: No, no!

InuGollum: YESSSSS!

SmeagolYasha: (cowers and cringes in a corner. Suddenly, eyes light up.) We don't need you anymore. Master's going to take care of us now.

InuGollum: Who'ssss masssster, precious? Ssssango's precious _taters_?

SmeagolYasha: Stop taking other people's ideas. Shame on you. BEGONE, FOUL BEAST!

InuGollum: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SHALL BE BACK!

Whoa! I never knew how many weird personalities were bottled up inside of me. I guess they're right about not keeping your emotions inside! Kagome just grabbed my arm and led me into a store called, "Ted's Terrific Tuxedos."

I can tell you that I already hate it.

A man bustled over, apparently Ted since that's what his nametag said. "Hello good morning welcome to my shop I hope I can help you if there's anything you need and don't forget if you like something come back and buy more and or tell all your friends about Ted's Terrific Tuxedos thank you very much for your patronage." Ted is a guy who's obviously going through a midlife crisis, since his hair is five different shades of brown and blonde, just as if he couldn't decide what color to dye it. I'm serious. It's not layered or anything, it's just like he dyed it over and over again but missed many large splotches. Then the clothes he's wearing, ugh. Not even Armani loafers. A fake Rolex and such prominent plastic rings give this guy an air for "sleaze." Fine, fine. I know his reputation. But his suits _are_ good. Just overpriced.

How about, no. With a guy who doesn't know the definition of pause, I'm certainly not going to buy anything. Kagome, on the other hand, might have been able to understand him……. I'll bet you anything that cheapskate is going to make ME pay for the tux.

What? You said that because it's my tux I should pay for it? What do you mean, MY tux. I'm not going to put a hideous thing like that in my stylish wardrobe. I'm going to wear it once and then take a shower with hot water and disinfectant. Then I'll bleach everything in my house that touched it. I don't want to wear a tux. I ought to wear my bling and my Eminem shirt. Yeah, that's what I'll do. And you can't do anything to stop me!

Er….maybe Kagome can. Damn that girl! She's so annoying! Insert scene of Kagome poking InuYasha. "Are you annoyed yet? Are you annoyed yet? Are you annoyed yet?" and InuYasha screaming, "YES I'M FUCKING ANNOYED!"

See? She _is_ annoying. It's just like I said.

Ted just came with this revolting suit that is every shade of brown imaginable, and a few that aren't.

Rather vomit inducing, now that I think of it. Pardon me for a few moments. And Kagome squealed, "IT'S SO CUTE! INUYASHA, YOU HAVE _GOT_ TO TRY IT ON!"

Whereas my reaction was slightly different. "Hello? 911? Does being forced to go shopping a breach of Article XIII Section 1? The amendment of no 'involuntary servitude?'"

Stupid cops. They said that if I didn't hang up they'd prosecute me for wasting time with prank calls. IT'S NOT A PRANK CALL I'M DEAD SERIOUS! She kidnapped me at 6:00 in the morning and forced me abide by her rules and serve her. Is that not more or less slavery? Wait—one of them said something. Let me write it down.

More intelligent cop: Let me tell you something, sir. That's called daily life if you're with a woman.

I have nothing else to do but sigh. As soon as I put on that appalling clownsuit, Kagome and Ted nearly rip it off, saying, "This won't do at all."

I ain't no fashion expert, but I'm telling you I knew that before that thing even came within arms reach of me. The next suit to come is a crimson red that nearly rivaled the shade my cheeks turned. The suit and I came to a mutual agreement—neither wanted to defile him/itself by touching the other. This thing also came with an orange and yellow striped necktie. **Shudders. **The mere thought nauseates me.

However, in the end I didn't have a choice. My pleading (or rather, off tune singing) led them to give me a black suit to try on. Unfortunately, they didn't mention that it's PINSTRIPED. WHO WEARS PINSTRIPED SUITS NOWADAYS?

Apparently everyone, or so I'm told. To me, apparently women. And they want me to wear a top hat and cane and monocle with it. Are they _trying_ to make me get the repulsive red robe? Wait…rhetorical question. Don't answer that, or I'll be irritated. So what if I'm always irate? I'll just be even worse. Then you ought to be scared.

"Come on, InuYasha. The red one makes you look so…..um….." Kagome stopped.

"You couldn't even _try_ to think of a flattering word?" I snapped.

"Well," Kagome drawled. "Red is _so_ daring. It would match _perfectly_ with the dress of your date."

I snorted. "What date? My invisible one is wearing purple, and I really don't think we'll match. OW!" I shouted as Kagome smacked me on the head with her purse. "What do you have in there, rocks?"

"No. Things you would not be able to comprehend."

"Oh, really?" I challenged.

Kagome just shook her head.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. I began to guffaw. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU THINK THAT _YOU_ ARE GOING TO BE _MY_ DATE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I fell onto the floor and continued being hysterical, much to the dismay of Ted.

"I don't see what's so funny about that!" Kagome defended, turning red.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The stiches in my side made it impossible for me to make a snide remark. But my laugh was cruel enough, I guess.

Kagome didn't say anything, but stormed out. Uh-oh. I think I hurt her feelings…. I jumped up from the ground and chased after her, still wearing the flaming red suit with the tags flapping behind me. I chanced a peek at one of them and nearly had a heart attack at the big ¥5,000,000. And she expects me to buy it! Not until we have some extreme haggling. "KAGOME! WAIT UP!" I shouted.

She turned around and stared blankly at me, then buried her face in her hands. "Look," I wheezed. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. Um…if it makes you feel better, you know, I really, um, wouldn't mind if um…you…um….kind of…"

"—wanted to go with you?" she finished, peeking up.

The restrained tears threatening to leak from the corner of her eyes were like a stab to a heart. Whoa. How cliched. I can't believe I said it! AAAAAAAAAAH DESTROY THE EVIDENCE! **runs around with a match trying to burn out section** What do you mean, just press delete? You can't just "press delete" when you're writing a diary. It's supposed to be your _honest_ thoughts. Not honest deleted thoughts. Wait, must stop jotting down notes to write down what I have to reply.

"Yeah. That's it. So, erm, do you want to, or will I have to find one of my invisible girlfriends, or worse, one of Miroku's 'chicks?'"

I couldn't tell if Kagome's reply was a laugh, a snort, a chuckle or a sob. But I patted her gently on the shoulder and said, "Come on. Let's go have some fun haggling. Then we'll look for your dress."

Kagome stared at me. "Are you crazy? There's less than twelve hours until your ball starts! I've got my dress already. But I still have to buy accessories."

"I'll pay for them," I said, trying to be charitable. Insert everyone oohing and smirking and giving each other obvious looks Boy. What a mistake. Who knew how many earrings, necklaces, rings, bracelets, mascara, eyeshadow, eye liner, blush, lipstick, lip gloss, nail polish, hair gel, body glitter, the whole lot, not to mention shoes a girl could buy? But that is a story for later. Right now, we're going to haggle. Yay!

Me: Ted, would _you_ go out and spend _¥5,000,000_ on a suit you'll only wear for one day?

Ted: (not a fool) Of course, sir, if it was good quality.

Me: (also not a fool) But what if it _wasn't_? What if there was a ripped seam on the side, a _stain_ on the lapel. _Then_ would you buy it?

Ted: (pales) There is no such thing!

Me: Of course not now. But there will be if the price isn't lowered.

Ted: You wouldn't! I'd sue you!

Me: (snorts) Who'd believe the word of a corrupt old guy who dyes his obviously brown hair ditz blonde five times, wears fake brand names for everything, and overprices all his merchandise over _smart,_ _intelligent, beautiful, rich—_

Kagome: And egotistical.

Me: (waves hand) And egotistical me?

Ted: Uh….no one?

Me: (beams) You catch on quick. Now, a quick ¥1000 and I'll be out of here before you can blink.

Ted: (gasps) What? That's barely nine American dollars!

Me: All right, ¥10,000 and stop whining.

Ted: THAT'S ONLY 90 U.S. DOLLARS!

Me: (shoots out claws)

Ted: (backs down meekly) All right, all right, it's yours. Now get out!

"Phew," Kagome sighed. "You make quite a bargainer."

"Naw," I said, waving a hand, pretending to be embarrassed. "He waaay over priced it and he knew it, otherwise he would have made me pay around ¥500,000."

Kagome whistled. "Still, my respect for you has increased by a nano."

"Who cares about your respect?"

Insert everyone chorusing, "Oh no, not _again_!"

Personally, I have no clue what they're talking about. Why does it matter, anyhow? Kagome is dragging me into a Nine West. She is currently trying on every single stiletto heel that exists in the shop.

"Do you like this one?" She points to a pink flip-flop that has a heel the width of a needle on the edge.

"S'okay," I said apathetically.

"How about this?" She holds up a pair of indigo pumps.

"Meh."

"And this?" She wore a black sandal that laced halfway up her knees and at the heel a silver spike glinted menacingly.

"WHOA!" I jump back, away from the dangerous tip.

She beams and turns to the saleswoman. "I'll take it."

I nearly pass out when I see the price pop up on the little screen. It's amazing how great the contrast is in little green numbers against a black background when the numbers are high enough. All I can say is that the debt against Kagome is paid with interest. Next off to Off Saks Fifth Avenue. And then to Nordstrom. And then to Coach. And then to many other places I lost count of. This is all that I can say:

Nine West stilettos: ¥275,000

Off Saks nighttime dress: ¥999,999

Nordstrom accessories: ¥10,000

Coach handbag: ¥11,000

Seeing Kagome trip down the stairs loaded down with all the crap: Priceless.

Some things just can't be bought, but for everything else, there is my bank account.

A/N- Hey everyone! My baby brother sends his best regards: ?? ooo /b vcx b87hynbgv b n,kjuyhg, mn mn mnbv nbvc. These two guys on my debate team wore "spring olive" and "wood brown" suits, so that's what gave me the idea. YAAAAAAARRRR. Sorry you had to wait so long for a new and improved chappie. Oh, by the way, I am NOT slamming LOTR. So I want NO reviews saying, "OMG I cant believe u was making fun of lOTr I luv it and curse you #$ (expletives)" I LOVE, and I mean LOVE as in obsession, The Lord of the Rings. I wrote a HERO paper on Tolkien. So, even though I believe people are smarter than that, well, better safe than sorry. About InuGollum and SmeagolYasha, it probably should be InuSmeagol and GollumYasha since Smeagol is the "nicer" part, and Inu is the kanji for dog, whilst Gollum is the "nasstier" one, and Yasha is the kanji for a violent, demonic sort of thing. But InuGollum and SmeagolYasha sound better, so I'm keeping it. I combined the diary and reality part today….. I am in no ways biased against women, me being a girl myself. However, seeing as how this is in InuYasha's p.o.v., he's gotta make fun of Kagome sometimes. YAY FOR REVIEWS!!!! Thank you ALL who read this one's fanfiction. To come….InuYasha gets a little fed up with Kagome and meets a shady dealer…dun dun dunnnnnn...Sorry for previous error of 900 yen....


	7. The Tempest Arrives

Chapter Seven

The Tempest Arrives

A/N- Disclaimer: I own not InuYasha nor the Lord of the Rings, much to my dismay. But the silliness and storyline are mine. ALL MINE! Words in **bold** are actions.

November 18th. Finally, after _nine_ hours, we get home. It's 6:45, and Kagome has spent the past 3 hours getting ready. Now to get in a frenzy and get dressed. Oh no! Where's my makeup? And my hairspray! And my deodorant! And my nail polish! And my…. Yes, I'm making fun of Kagome.

"HURRY UP, INUYASHA!" Kagome bellowed. "Men are all so _last minute_."

Might I remind her that all I did was run up the stairs to grab my tie. _She_ is still primping in front of the main hall mirror.

You say it's okay because she's a girl, and girls are allowed to take five hours to get ready. Well, I say that that's SEXIST! Why can't I spend five hours getting ready? Why is it that I run upstairs and I get yelled at for being last minute, whereas she's still doing her friggin makeup and nobody cares?

Everybody choruses, "Because she's a girl." 

Grrrrr….I'm not getting any answers here. "OY! IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO KNOWS HOW TO TIE A TIE?"

Kagome comes staggering into the room, weighed down by the impossible weight of her handbag. The ¥11,000 (yen) one, I should mention. The one _I_ paid for. "Incompetent fool!" she spat. Her nimble and deft fingers tied a solid knot in my tie. Belatedly, I forgot to mention to her not to tie it too tight….think she took advantage of that?

Feh. Coming from the girl who couldn't even find her way out of a maze with a ball of string. Hmm…I think I'm a bad influence on her. She said incompetent fool. YES! MY PLAN TO BRAINWASH THE WHOLE WORLD AND MAKE THEM THINK LIKE ME IS SUCCEEDING!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Insert everyone sweat-dropping and pushing InuYasha out of the scene 

"NOOOOO! I SHALL COME BACK TO GET MY REVENGE!" I shriek, causing Kagome to give me a look. Jeez. Like she's never spoken with her journal before. Weirdo. And she even has the NERVE to usher me out the door. "NO! MY PURSE!" That was deliberate. She shot me an even dirtier look. I stuck out my tongue childishly and said, "You're _soooo_ immature."

"Immature is better than being hypocritical."

"Nu-uh." I shook my head while holding the door open for her. "You're hypocritical all the time."

"What, does that make you just immature then?" she retorted while walking out.

"I don't know. Stop twisting my words," I said, following her.

She snorted and slid into the limo. "Budge over," I said, diving in. She ignored me, causing me to catapult onto her.

"JEEZ INUYASHA! YOU'RE SO OBNOXIOUS!" she shrieked, jumping back.

I gesture wordlessly. "Wha—come on people, back me up."

Audience shakes heads and hold up signs 

8.7, 9.1, 10, 9.8, 8.9, 9.4, 10, 1. WHAT? ONE! COME ON! That drags down my average to 8.3625! Yes, check it on your pocket protectors, you geeks! I'm right!

Are you calling me an attention seeking prat? Well, you know what I think about you? **Whites out extremely obscene gesture** Sticks out tongue What did you _think_ it was, huh? Huh? You're more crude than I am! Maybe as much as Miroku! Wait, he just came over and smacked me on the head with his staff. He says that no one is as big of a _hentai_ as he is.

Kagome is shuffling through her purse for something. "What are you looking for?" I ask curiously.

"None of your business," she sniffs. Taking something out quickly so I couldn't see it, she hid it in her hand and says, "Excuse me while I go back."

She stands up and goes to the back of the limo where the fridge and stuff are kept. I don't know what she did, but she came back a few moments later looking serene and content. That makes me suspicious. What do you think it is?

****

Leaves empty space for hypotheses

Guy number 1: I bet it's a….(you can guess what)

Guy number 2: I bet it's crack

Guy number 3: It's a present for you, InuYasha-san.

One and Two in unison: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU DON'T HONESTLY THINK SO! (falls onto floor laughing, beating the ground with their fists."

We'll see later.

The limo pulls up in front of the Hall of Laughter, the place where the ball was taking place. As we step out, I am nearly blinded by the flashes of cameras and deafened by reporters screaming in my ear. Growling angrily, I manage to scare a few off before many more replaced them, swarming around me and buzzing like bees. I swear they come in torrents. And they regenerate. Swat away one and there's four more to take his place. It's disgusting. Fortunately, all Kagome had to do was raise her foot (with the dangerous heel) and they scattered. No fair. Why does she have such a dramatic impact? **Pouts** I want one too! NOFAIR NOF AIR NOF AIR! WHY DOES SHE HAF ALL DA GOOD TINGS? ME WAN' ONE TOO! ME TOO! MET OO! ME TOO!

Big Inu pushes baby Inu out of the picture. 

****

Sweat drop So sorry about that. Resurfacing childhood memories…As we stepped into the ballroom, my jaw fell to the ground with a loud thunk. The decorating committee had really outdone itself. Mistletoe was scattered all over the place, hanging over unsuspecting couples everywhere. A humongous chandelier bigger than my ego dangled overhead, its many diamond facets winking in the bright golden lights. Garlands of holly were draped over everything imaginable that stood still. And the food! Roast beef, stuffed geese, punch, champagne, every single delicacy available and a few that aren't. Waiters and waitresses bearing delicious hors d'ouevers bustled around, offering them to all the guests. Everybody who was somebody was invited to this celebration. All the prominent faces of Japan stood out here. Of course, you got the occasional fame-hungry idiot who sneaked in. If they got passed security, I allowed them to stay. They worked hard enough. But there are also the other kinds who sneak in a gazillion time with the same disguises. Those people are immediately dismissed.

Offering Kagome my arm, I escorted her in. Audience: Awww, how cute Formalities, people. Come on. Gimme a break. Audience boos Stupid fools. **Plugs dog ears and shouts, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"** Everybody immediately drops what he or she was holding and freezes. Unfortunate for the ladies who were dancing. "Um…carry on," I said, waving a hand. As if someone unpaused the scenes, everyone began moving again. Kagome glared at me. I held up my hands and said innocently, "What, don't go blaming me. It's not my fault!" She apparently begged to differ. Various important personas who were dressed in stuffy suits and ties looked very uncomfortable in the heat. Aww, perhaps they were looking forward to waltzing? I bet I can make them even more uncomfortable. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Well, we strolled by to the center of the hall, me snagging hosr d'ouerves every time I saw a good one. Mmm, piggies in a blanket, quiches of every variety, crab cake thingys, lots of good stuff. And mine. ALL MINE! MY PRECIOUS! PJ comes in and whacks InuYasha on the head. "I got that stuff copyrighted!" 

Feh. Directors and their copyrights. Or rather, authors. I shall try to enjoy myself and step on Kagome's foot at least ten times when we dance. You'd think she'd take a hint, but nooooo. I guess not. We took a seat, and a moment, right on cue, I bowed and said, "Would you grace me with the pleasure of dancing with you?"

"Why certainly," Kagome said, taking my hand and standing up. The lights dimmed and music blared out from the speakers. Before the pompous old geezers could stop the DJs, "Yeah" by Usher began thumping from all areas in the hall.

Kagome could barely contain her laughter. "InuYasha, my respect for you has just inched up a millimeter."

I chuckled. "What's the fun in dancing waltzes?" We moved to the center of the dance floor and began. After all the rap songs were over, a slow one came on. I contemplated whether or not I ought to step on her foot, but then I realized that most of the times before we danced, she would hiss at me not to step on her foot. She didn't. That's suspicious. As I looked down, I discovered why. Her lethal heels. She _wanted_ me to step on her toes! Well, I won't giver her the satisfaction. I'll be so graceful, she won't believe it. I'll soar straight into the sky! I'll—stop now.

So there we were, just sort of swaying, until suddenly, the doors whip open, the lights turn on, and dramatic silence comes. A guy with sunglasses, slicked back black hair, and an outfit that just screams "pimp," strolls in, a girl with a dark green ball gown on his arm. I smack my forehead. That Miroku. Always making such a dramatic entrance. But who was that with him? Upon closer observation, I realized that it was Sango, but she was not with Miroku! I almost fainted from shock. I always assumed that they were secretly in love, but I guess not? And lo and behold, someone taps me on the shoulder and it's Miroku and one of his chicks! AAH! What is going on here? **shakes head** They are such an item! How could Miroku ditch Sango like that. Uh-oh. Sango and her date are approaching. I can sense a catfight already. I duck behind Kagome, quivering.

"Get a spine, InuYasha," Kagome pushes me in front. Ha. What she means is 'I don't want to face them, you're the guy you do it.' Feh. I'll show her. I strode right up to Sango and her pimp boyfriend. "Salutations, Sango-san. And greetings, um—" I made my narrowed eyes evaluate him up and down. Who says intimidation isn't a good way to greet people.

"Ean," he said in those low, masculine, muscle-and-no-brain guy voices.

"Ah. _Ean_. Pleased to make your acquaintance." I acknowledged sardonically.

"Likewise. It is not often that I get to meet a person of your stature and prominence."

Woah. He can _talk_. Not grunt, not snarl, but talk! I turn around. Miroku and his 'friend' are approaching fast. As they arrive they stand on the opposite side of me.

"Hello, InuYasha and Kagome." Miroku says, ignoring the other two obviously.

"Hey, could you guys move to the same side? It's difficult to keep talking and turning."

None of them fall for it. Time for some more tricky and subtle maneuvering. I turned casually to Miroku. "So, Miroku-san, introduce me to your lovely friend here."

The fool giggles. The other fool. Miroku's guest. "Oh, no need, Mir. I can introduce myself." Oh my, she can? She has the mental capacities to do so? GASP! THE HORROR! The ditz says, "My name is Laura." **fake giggle**

I am unsure of what to reply. "Well, Laura, it's a pleasure to meet you." I even add a fake little bow, and to top off my skillful acting, I kiss her hand. The best part is that Kagome turned a bright red. It's hilarious! She looks like a beet with a suntan. After some more titters from Laura, I say in a bright and cheerful manner, "Why don't we all sit down, aye?"

Since no one would deny me even if they wanted to, everyone chorused their agreement and we claimed a table. It was quite difficult of me to sound bright and perky with the hostility and resentment hanging over the table like the ominous mistletoe everyone was trying to avoid. "So…" I say, always a great conversation starter.

"Sooo…what?" Kagome replied.

I smack my head. "No, fool. When someone says 'so,' you're supposed to say, 'OMFG! LYK YESTERDAY ME AND THIS GUY WERE LYK SOOOO…etc.'"

Everyone stared at me. Including those not at our table.

I added hastily, "I was demonstrating an example, folks, not stating what I really did."

Everyone turns back around and resumes business.

Now Kagome's not the only one glaring at me. "Um, I think this is when I should go now." Slowly I inch away from the table. I make a break for it, achieving three steps before Kagome grabs me.

"Not so fast, mister," she hisses. "You are coming back right now and behaving yourself or ELSE."

"Oh yeah? Or else what?" I reply in a smarmy tone.

"The s-i-t word…" She waited to let the threat draw out.

"Yes ma'am!" I saluted her smartly before following her back to the table, where I sat meekly. Conversations took on a sophisticated turn as Laura and Ean argued over who made more money on their modeling jobs.

"I do, of course!" Laura declared. "I mean, like, my costumes are so much more expensive, so like, the price adds up since I get to keep them."

Even Miroku winced at that one.

"Well, you know what?" Ean retorts. "I even have competition for me. Bids go up by thousands for magazines that want to feature me."

"Thousands of what? Pennies?"

Unfortunately for Laura, I don't think she knows that even thousands of pennies could be substantial. But that was a fairly decent retort from someone whose IQ is probably lower than my debt rate. That's right, in the negatives.

Ean even had to think a moment before replying. "At least they're _American_ pennies."

It was so quiet that one could have heard Shesso-maru breathe. Now that's quiet. The rest of the room, though, continued chattering as though nothing happened.

"Er…all right. Continuing on, why don't we order dinner?" I clapped my hands and the music stopped. I stood up. "Dinner is served."

The lights came on and waiters and waitresses swept out from the sides. I opened my own menu and said, "What would you like to order?" Perusing it carefully, I commented, "The roasted pheasant looks good. And perhaps some cocktail shrimp to go with it? Oh waiter!" I waved to one, who arrived quickly.

"Yes, sir?"

"I'd like the roasted pheasant and some cocktail shrimp."

"Right away, sir." He scribbled down my order on his notepad in some bizarre waiter shorthand.

"And drinks, sir?"

"Meh…Red wine for me."

The waiter was intelligent enough not to mention underage drinking. "And sir's companions?"

"Sprite, and the swordfish medley," Kagome said immediately.

"Orange soda, and a steak. Medium rare," Sango said after some perusal.

"Gimme a beer, hamburger and fries," Miroku declared.

Laura sniffed. "I am on a diet. I think I'll go with just a salad and diet Pepsi."

Ean snorted. "Diet my ass. What you need is lyposuction."

Everyone but Laura covered their faces with their hands to hide a chuckle. I, however, had to disguise outright laughter. "Ahem…" I cleared by throat. Many of my comments seemed to be ending in ellipses. I must do something about that soon. "Since food will take some while, Kagome and I shall go and lead a few dances. May I?" I bowed, taking her hand.

"If you must," she said with what I thought was a little bit too much disdain.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that the four of them were avoiding each other as if they all had some sort of disease. I grinned. I love being annoying. It's one of my more attractive features, if I do say so myself.

Here's an example of me executing my most _skillful_ seducing.

InuYasha: Yo, whassup?

Girl: What's your problem?

InuYasha: Nuthin' jus wanna hang wit mah homies tonight. But ya know, if you ain't up for nuthin I'd love to—

Girl: (Whips up machine gun) 'Scuse me? Whatchoo t'ink you are? Some ghetto wannabe?

InuYasha: That's EXACTLY what I am

Girl: (starts shooting wildly) I'LL SHOW YOU WHATCHOO ARE YOU FUCKING…

InuYasha: This is where I slip away tactfully and find a date somewhere else.

Some piano virtuoso was playing a song by Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata or something to that effect. Jeez. I must get that DJ back on. Guiding Kagome towards the center of the floor, I turned around and snapped my fingers. The elegant piano music was instantly replaced with—"WHAT? Get this OFF!" I exclaimed incredulously, protesting at the DJ's horrid choice of playing I'm Too Sexy.

Kagome laughed. "What, you too sexy to dance to this song?"

Even though she was being sarcastic, I glared at her anyway. "Yes, I do believe I am," I replied with a toss of my hair.

Pushing me, she said, "Gimme a break, idiot. Let's go eat. The waiters have arrived."

"Sounds good."

The rest of the evening passed by with nothing too eventful. Except by the end, Miroku and Sango were slowdancing and Ean and Laura were having an insult contest. Which was rather one sided. But I couldn't tell in whose favor. Not it's preparation for Christmastime. With the New Year will come my case. After a nice, family filled Christmas, and a couple of uneventful nightschool courses, I will begin prepping for my case. See you all in my next diary entry!

A/N-yeah, yeah, it's next year. But the planned party date was November 18th, which is when I was at that section. His life will speed up. I might as well use this handy dandy thing as my own "diary." So, look forward to a nighttime course, slamming teachers, and failing exams in a later chapter to parallel my own school life and the exams I just got back. So if the grades are good, well, InuYasha will be in a good mood and get good grades. But if my grades are bad, well, let's just say that rampaging demons are best avoided. Please, though, don't wish for bad grades for me. Crap. 86 in Cell Bio, 83 in Geometry Honors, 91 in History and 94 in Basic Design. DAMN! Everything but Cell Bio brought my grades down! Review and make me feel better! **Wink, wink, nudge, nudge **Ean is an awesome name. Good thing Sango's new 'friend' actually has brains, or else I wouldn't have wasted the name on him. NOTE: I realize there are tense shifts. In the previous chapters, he has combined his journal entries with real life, thus involving him writing down things that are happening now. However, soon enough, he will write his time with the psychiatrist in past tense, and what happens now in present. Plus this one is rather hopeless with tense shifts…some things just sound _right_ in present tense. Muahahahahahaha! I just saw the InuYasha movie—Affections Touching Across Time or something equally corny. But very excellent. I'm not done yet, but I like what I saw. I am SO sorry it took me…what? 4-5 months to update. OH! Yes. About the song…I always thought it was funny; wrong, but funny. ;-) Jeez. The story seems to have become so dirty! And all my friends (myself included) always thought I was a good kid. I blame it on R-rated HP fanfics and two friends of mine who are juniors.


	8. Ah, Finally We Can Relax Wait, nevermind...

Chapter Eight

Ah, Finally we can relax. Wait, never mind, it's Christmastime.

"Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plains. And the mountains in reply, echoing their joyous strains." Taking a deep breath, Miroku bellowed"GLOOOOOOOOR, ORORORORORRRRRRR, ORORORORORRR, ORORORORORIA, in excelsis daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyooooooo." We were outside on the streets singing for a charity. He looked absolutely ridiculous, with a lime green beanie jammed on his head and an orange ski jacket. Freshly pressed chinos and hiking boots topped off his horrible ensemble. While he sang, his head bobbed up and down. Bright blue gloves were on his hands, which he was waving around to emphasize his singing.

Kagome, Sango and I were placing bets on how long it would take for Miroku to get arrested. Huddled underneath a tarp, we were rubbing our hands and cheeks, trying to get rid of the cold. Myoga was chattering his little flea-fang thingys. And he's hidden somewhere in Kagome's muffler, too.

"10 minutes." I said immediately, rubbing my red gloved hands together. Steam puffed from my mouth with each word. I checked to make sure my red ear warmers were still intact.

"I think we should measure by stanzas" Sango said sagely, a hood over her head and her hands in her pockets. "After the second chorus of 'Gloria.'"

"I don't know, Sango. If he hasn't gotten stopped yet, I think he might squeeze in 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing" Kagome said, shaking her head, the tassel on her head flopping around.

"Perhaps they are too scared of him" I paused, considering this idea.

Looking at each other, they agreed. "Yeah. Probably."

We leaned back to watch.

"GLOOOORORORORORORRRRRRR, OROROROROR, ORORORORORIA, in excelsis dayyyyyayayayaaa OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Putting his hand to his chest he threw his head backwards to finish the last word with gusto.

Simultaneously, we all plugged our ears and cringed. But to our great surprise, we heard someone clapping. Soon, it was more than just one person clapping. It was tumultuous applause. Coins and even dollars were being poured into Miroku's bucket. We could only stand there, mouthing wordlessly.

Miroku came over, grinning from ear to ear. The collecting tin rattled happily. "Look, guys! ¥10,000"

A few mutterings were exchanged before Sango said"Great job, Miroku"

"Yeah…" Miroku beamed. "Why don't you guys give it a shot"

"Sure" Kagome said, jumping off her seat.

She clears her throat and sings, opera-style"SIIIIIIIIIIIILENT NIIIIIIIIIIGHT, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY NIIIIIIIIIIIGHT" before being hit in the head by a snowball. "WHY YOU" she fumes, before taking a deep breath, and continuing"AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL IS CAAAAAALLLLLLLLM, AAAAAAAALLLLL IS BRIIIIIIIIGHHHHHT" and being walloped by anther mound of snow.

I snorted. "Calm and bright indeed."

She glares at me. "I don't think they can aim right, that's all. They were really trying for Miroku" who, by the way, is standing next to me, about five feet behind Kagome and at least two yards to the left.

I snorted again.

"Keep this up and you'll become a pig. Literally." Kagome warned.

"At least I'm not one already" I retorted.

Miroku, jumping into the conversation, squealed"Oooh! Burned"

We both glared at him. Many a person hardier than Miroku would have quivered under our steady stares. He of course, broke down immediately and hid behind Sango.

"Sure, hide behind Sango's skirts, why don't you" I turned around.

Pausing, Miroku appeared to think. Then a wide grin lit up on his face, and Sango groaned, sensing a remark that was most likely going to be about her. "Yup. Get a great view of her ass that way."

Meh. Her, her rear-end. Same difference. Didn't matter whatever Miroku would refer to, she would decapitate him anyway. And within moments, lo and behold, Hiraikotsu miraculously found its way next to Miroku's throat. But Sango relaxed and laughed, Miroku laughing with her until a volley of snowballs bombarded him. Shrieking very much like a girl, he dove towards the ground and hastily assembled his own ammunition. People on the streets were starting to stare. I noticed a few passerbys trying to steal the money in our collector's tin. They changed their minds and even stuffed a few bills through it once I was through glaring at them. Turning back to the ongoing snowfight, I even got a few of my own throws in. Kagome decided to hurl snowballs at whoever happened to be losing at the moment, until Sango complained that she favored Miroku.

Suddenly, I remembered something I had to ask our dear friends.

"So, er—Miroku" I said in what I hoped was an offhand tone. "Have you thought about what you're getting your girlfriend"

Everyone froze. And not because of the cold. "What girlfriend" Miroku asked, confused.

I jerked my head pointedly at Sango. "You two were getting all chummy at the ball last night."

"Psh. Girlfriend" Miroku snorted. "I can't have a girlfriend. Not yet, anyhow." To emphasize his point, he grabbed a random woman from the street. Here is their conversation word for word.

Miroku: Excuse me, ma'am?

Lady: (more than a bit miffed at being grabbed, especially in a certain area in which she was rather endowed in) What do you want?

Miroku: (takes her hand) Will you bear my children?

Lady: Hmm…let me ask my boyfriend. (Huge, hulking football player about three times Miroku's size and at least five times his weight looms behind her. He cracks his knuckles ominously.)

Miroku: Um…never mind. You can go now. (flees)

"Not much success with the ladies, no" Kagome said, amused.

Sango, however does not look quite as jolly. "I think it's time for me to go shopping for presents. I will see you all tomorrow night."

Tomorrow night! I realized with a jolt. Two days until Christmas Eve! I've done all the presents for important people, i.e. Kagome, Sango, Shippo, Miroku and even Myoga. But Kagome is helping me pick out stuff for people I don't quite like. Such as Shesso-maru, Totosai, the like. It was a shame that Shippo couldn't attend the ball last night. But his guardian (a stuffy old man by the name of Laotou) deemed that it was too late for him. And it turns out that he caught a cold! Poor little guy. If he didn't annoy me so much, I'd feel sorry for him.

"Um…since we all seem to be dispersing at this time, I think Kagome and I will also take our leave."

"Alright, leaves me to take the money back to charity, then" Miroku sighed in his self-suffering tone.

"You do that" Kagome said, smiling serenely.

I waved a hand and my limo pulled up. Slipping in, I asked Kagome"Where to"

"The mall, where else"

"OH, the MALL. And there was silly little InuYasha, thinking we might POSSIBLY look for BARGAINS along the STREET. I mean, how stupid was I? I can't BELIEVE that I didn't even CONSIDER going to the mall, where EVERYTHING is OVERPRICED." I nearly bellowed.

Kagome winced. "All right, I get the picture. But I don't trust the stores."

"Come on. I'm a guy. I don't care as much about designer brands."

Kagome stared at me. "Says the guy who imports his clothes from the United States."

There is just so much abuse a guy can put up with. "Well, that's because US clothes are better quality. They don't fall apart after one fight."

Kagome snorted. "Good comeback, I'll grant you that."

I made a false bow. "Thank you."

Suddenly, the limo screeched to a halt. If it weren't for a handy-dandy invention called a seatbelt, InuYasha would be squished like roadkill. InuYasha is referring to himself in third person because he feels like it. Now stop complaining about it.

"What the fuck" I shrieked. "Which idiot stopped suddenly? I'm going to kill that asshole dead"

Kagome was so petrified that she didn't point out that normally, when one says kill, the other assumes to death.

I shove open the door and stomp out. Fuming angrily under my breath, I muttered sinister threats. Without warning, I slam into something that feels rather like a cement wall. Looking up, I saw a gigantic demon. "Naraku" Myoga hissed into my ear. Apparently, he had fallen out of his sanctuary in Kagome's scarf.

"I know he's Naraku. But what the hell is he doing here for" I hissed back.

"Well, if it isn't ickle InuYasha, the human lover half demon" he drawled lazily.

Craning my head back, just enough to see his face, but not to show any sort of submission, I spat"Feh. Like you should talk. You're just a host for a bunch of demonic sources. And you're the one who fell in love with Kikyo. Who said anything about me being a human lover"

If Kagome were here she would have murdered me. Fortunately, she was in the car. Thank goodness for the cold weather.

Naraku narrowed his eyes. "What did you come out of your car for"

"I came to kill the fool who stopped so suddenly when there was no stop sign."

"Well, aren't you lucky. That fool happened to be me. Still care to fight"

"Good. I have an excuse to kill you now."

"You wish."

I opened my mouth for a retort when Kagome comes out of the car. "InuYasha! Stop picking fights and let's go."

Naraku glanced over at her, looked back at me, and cackled. "Well, I won't be keeping you from your human any longer. Go on. There will be plenty more opportunities for us to fight."

Storming back to the car, I slammed the door shut behind me. "Stupid fool." His last threat echoed in my mind. Opportunities to fight…With a jolt I realized that he was actually talking about court.

Realization dawned on Kagome when she saw who that was. "Was…was that…" She was trembling so ferociously that she couldn't even speak his name. Of course, that might have been because she was cold.

I nodded grimly.

Kagome made a face. "Just our luck, eh"

"Let's not dwell on it" I said. "Come on, weren't you going to help me pick some gifts"

Kagome's face brightened considerably at the thought of spending money. My money, to be precise. "Okay" she said happily. To my driver, she ordered"Step on it"

Needless to say, we all lurched forward again as the limo went from 0 to 100 in a record speed of a nanosecond. Coughing slightly, I repositioned myself and once again gave thanks to the genius that invented the seatbelt. With my face pressed against the window, I must confess that I behaved like a six-year-old. Everybody: Quick! Get a recorder! InuYasha just said he acted like a little kid 

Shoves everybody out of the way The decorations and lights were pretty, okay Everybody: Awww, how sweet  
Anyhow, back to work. We pulled up at the mall, and my driver pulled a few strings (and neck ties, but you didn't hear me say that) to get us in quicker. Grabbing Kagome's hand, I led her in.

She stopped before we ever reached the door. "What" I asked crabbily.

Looking quickly at me, astonished as if I missed something obvious, she said"Never mind."

"What" I insisted.

"I _said_ NEVER MIND." Kagome yelled.

"Fine, fine." I noticed that quite a few people were now staring at us. "Let's just go in." I steered her towards the entrance.

Kagome went in and immediately forgot whatever the heck she was talking about.

Audience: loud whisper Isn't it OBVIOUS 

Ithil-san: SHHHH! Takes out **Mighty Hammer of Writing** and bonks them on the head. 

After looking and rejecting at least fifty presents, all of which I thought were pretty dandy, she sighed. "Let me see your list."

Here is drum roll The almighty list of InuYasha-sama!

****

Presents for People I Either Don't Know, or Don't Like

Shesso-maru: I dunno. Something impersonal. Like a tie or something Totosai: er…I mean, ¥¥¥ I ain't giving him _United States_ money. That obnoxious secretary who corrects my grammar: A 5 pay raise, or maybe some perfume set. Koga: A certificate that will prevent me from beating him up. One use only. Ithil-san: Who the heck is she? Probably one of my fangirls. I'll give her my autograph. Other fangirls: A glimpse of me ought to be enough. 

The violent side of Ithil-san edits: Feh. How'd InuYasha like it if I told him I was a member of a Shessy guild on this forum I do? The nice side of Ithil-san: That's only because your friend made you join it 

**Presents for My Friends/People I tolerate**

Kagome: Not writing here, cuz she's looking at it. Miroku: A years subscription to CENSORED Sango: A ¥5000 gift certificate to any US brand store of her choice. Shippo: What do little fox demons like, anyhow? Chew toys? Forget it. He's getting candy. Myoga: Break time 

Hmm, Kagome was apparently so impressed that she was speechless. Wait, she's turning red. Most impressed people aren't the color of tomatoes, are they?

"Well" I prompted.

She spouted some gibberish I could not comprehend.

"What" I asked, cupping my ear.

"You" she said, jabbing me with a finger"obviously" jab "don't" jab "know" jab "anything" jab

Looking down at Kagome, I grabbed her finger. "Enough jabbing. What do I not know"

"What" Kagome asked, staring off into space. I followed her line of sight to see what intrigued her so much. Feh. A couple thousand dollars Louis Vuitton bag.

"Never mind" I said smugly.

She replied with a jab to the head. "OW" I exclaimed. Grumbling, I followed her into the center of the mall. First stop was the Ralph Polo Lauren store, where she pulled out an assortment of ties. "How's this one for Shessomaru"

It was a blue silk patterned ¥15000 tie. Much better than the reddish nightmare she made me get for the ball. "Fifteen thousand yen" I yelped, causing all the rich patrons to give me an evil eye.

"For you, that's like a little kid spending ¥100 yen for a sticker or a piece of candy" Kagome protested.

For you people who don't know, that's like paying 25¢ for a gumball.

"It's too nice for him." I turned my back on Kagome stubbornly. "Why can't I buy him some cheap, run of the mill necktie, eh"

Kagome sighed, and said very slowly"Because then YOU will look cheap and run of the mill."

"Feh." I snorted. "How could I ever appear like that"

"Ever hear of the expression you are what you eat? Well, it's the same, only different."

"Did anyone ever tell you what brilliant logic you had" I snapped. I was getting more than a little fed up with Kagome. Who died and made her ruler of the world, anyhow?

She decided not to reply to this. The rest of the afternoon passed dreadfully slow without conversation. What would happen is that she would find something and pass it to me. I'd examine it with a critical eye, and I would either affirm the gift or shudder and put it back with disdain. After two hours, I finally grew bored of gifts and I dragged her over to the café.

I'm too tired to write now, and my idiotic parole officer wants the diary in. They changed him to Ithil-san, that crazy fangirl. She's forcing me to write more often and faster now. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Until next time, then.

A/N- Hullo, everyone. Look at this miraculously fast update! I scare myself sometimes. Niana, congrats for being the first reviewer to Chapter 7. Never fear! Matchmaker Kagome is now here. Next episode of My Life as a Teenage Half-Demon: Kagome and Inu-kun have a fight; Kagome overuses our favorite word, sit, and InuYasha, storming off, finds a "shady dealer" who might have a cure to his problem…. Later on, there is an emphasis on InuYasha's night schooling, but I will have an occasional mix of Sango/Miroku romance. P.S. Anonymous reviewers—if you guys want to give me your email, I can let you know when I update, since it takes anywhere from 3 days to 3 months. Snappy, thank you for not one, but TWO reviews! You guys rock. I'm making a new rule. The faster/more the reviews come, the faster/more I'll update. Of course, that means corrupting more people…I've decided that when the audience comments, I'm putting myself in too. You will occasionally see comments from Ithil-san, which is me. Sorry for my horrible botching of the spelling of Louis Vuitton or is it right? I have no clue how to spell his name.


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